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Archive for September, 2010

Dozens to testify in Kenyan nurse’s case

Posted by Administrator on September 28, 2010

OSHAKATI – A record 80 witnesses are expected to testify in the case of the Kenyan national who is accused of murdering his wife and hacking her body into pieces before allegedly dumping and scattering the parts at various places in and around Grootfontein.

Twenty witnesses testified in the High Court at Oshakati since last week. Two witnesses gave evidence that revealed that Kenneth Bunge Orina and Rose Chepkeimoi Kiplangat’s home was haunted by domestic violence.

A taxi driver, who took the couple to and from work, informed the court that the couple lacked love for each other. He said he noticed that Orina and his wife had arguments on several occasions. One morning, Kiplangat allegedly blocked Orina from entering the taxi on their way to work. As a result, Orina stayed behind.

Another witness, the Station Commander at Grootfontein Police Station, Amon Ndilula, told the court that on July 9, 2007, Orina now 37, asked the police for protection against his wife.

Orina allegedly informed Ndilula that Kiplangat was aggressive towards him, thus she needed to be detained for a few days while he (Orina) was arranging for her to go back to Kenya.

Ndilula testified that Orina told him that Kiplangat fought him, attacked him and on one occasion, tried to pour hot water on him while he was sleeping.

Meanwhile, Kiplangat reportedly visited the police station claiming that her husband was abusive towards her – another police officer testified. Inspector Magdalena Garises, Ndilula’s colleague testified that on several occasions, she found Kiplangat barefooted, disoriented and crying. Kiplangat allegedly complained that she had been abused by her husband.

Both Ndilula and Garises testified that the couple was then referred to Woman and Child Protection Unit where domestic violence cases are dealt with.

Kiplangat’s body parts were found dumped at different places around Grootfontein between September 14 and 17.

The parts were initially identified as those of Gochas’ former resident Jacoba Wilma Olivier. But when Olivier turned up alive, it was discovered that the body parts were those of Kiplangat, who was reported missing. Orina reported his missing wife to the police.

Orina was later arrested as the prime suspect in his 33-year-old wife’s murder. He has remained in custody since his arrest in October 30, 2007. He has so far pleaded not guilty to the counts of murder and obstructing the course of justice or attempting to obstruct the course of justice, alternatively violating a dead human body.

Source: http://www.newera.com.na/article.php?articleid=13270

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Posted in Diaspora News, Kenya | Comments Off on Dozens to testify in Kenyan nurse’s case

Six foreign beggars charged for illegal stay

Posted by Administrator on September 27, 2010

Six Tanzanians arrested in Embu for being in Kenya illegally will be repatriated back to their country immediately, a court has ruled.

The six had been begging in the town pretending to be disabled as well as posing as sick to receive alms from residents.

Days after a similar scam involving foreigners was exposed in Nairobi, the racket seems to have moved to smaller towns.

According to the police, the culprits were being dropped in the town’s Central Business District in the morning by a saloon vehicle which picked them in the evening.

On the day of the arrest, they were picked from the lodge counting the day’s earnings which amounted to Sh8,500.

Helen Mangu Kiruru, Eliza Sumbuku, Josphine Majula, Marita Kasambi, Doris Basede and Patrol Mangu pleaded guilty for being in the country illegally and contravening the immigration act before resident magistrate Eunice Nyutu .

The magistrate ordered that the five women and one man be repatriated to their country within the shortest time possible after treating them as first offenders.

The foreigners said that they had come into the country with dreams of making a break after hearing of better opportunities here.

“My parents informed me that there are better opportunities in Kenya and advised me to accompany my aunt (Josphine Majula) for a fresh break in life,” said Patrol Mangu.

The aliens were arrested in a lodging in Embu after the public alerted the police who trailed the suspects as they were being dropped in the morning and picked in the evening.

According to the Embu west DC Maalim Mohamed, the public was easily wooed after seeing bandages painted in red and urinary catheters attached to the culprits bodies.

“They told us that they had heard that Kenyans have pity at the disadvantaged members of the society and that they had come to try their luck,” said the DC adding that they were contravening the spirit of the East Africa Community which allowed for free movement of the residents of member states across the region from July.

The six were from Brieda district in Tanzania.

A worker at the lodge told the Nation that the culprits used to purchase beer from the counter and take it to their rooms.

Source: Daily Nation

Posted in Kenya | Comments Off on Six foreign beggars charged for illegal stay

Kenyan fights conviction after falsely representing himself as a US citizen

Posted by Administrator on September 27, 2010

U.S. v. OWUOR

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, Plaintiff-Appellee,
v.
PETER MAKUSI OTEMBA OWUOR, Defendant-Appellant.

No. 10-10732. Non-Argument Calendar.

United States Court of Appeals, Eleventh Circuit.

September 24, 2010.

Before CARNES, BARKETT and HULL, Circuit Judges.

DO NOT PUBLISH

PER CURIAM:

Peter Makusi Otemba Owuor, a citizen of Kenya, appeals his convictions for falsely representing himself to be a United States citizen, in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 911, and making false statements, in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 1001(a)(2).

I.

On May 23, 2008, Owuor was in the booking area of the Montgomery City Jail waiting to be booked on outstanding state warrants. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agents Diamond and Henderson were also in the booking area, waiting to book two individuals for immigration violations. The agents overheard Owuor speaking to a city police officer and noticed that he had a strong accent. The agents and Owuor entered into a conversation. During that conversation, the agents asked Owuor where he was from. He stated that he was a United States citizen and was born in Atlanta, Georgia. Agent Henderson then requested Owuor’s arrest report from a city police officer and noticed that no social security number was listed on the report. Henderson asked Owuor for his social security number, and he provided it.

After returning to their office, the ICE agents ran Owuor’s name through the National Crime Information Center. The NCIC report showed that Owuor had a criminal record and listed Kenya as his country of birth. The agents also called the Social Security Administration and were told that the social security number Owuor had provided belonged to someone else. The agents then returned to the jail and interviewed Owuor, who was in handcuffs, in a visitation room. The agents asked Owuor about his citizenship and he reiterated that he was a U.S. citizen. Owuor explained that his father was a citizen of Kenya, but his mother was a U.S. citizen. He also told the agents that he had a U.S. passport but that it was issued in a different name. After those statements were made, the agents gave Owuor a Miranda warning, and the interview ceased.

On July 28, 2008, Owuor was indicted by a grand jury sitting in the Middle District of Alabama. He was charged with falsely representing himself to be a United States citizen, in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 911, and making false statements, in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 1001(a)(2). The charges were based only on Owuor’s statements to the ICE agents during the interview in the visitation room. Before trial, Owuor filed motions to suppress all his statements to the agents and to dismiss the indictment. The district court denied both motions, and the case proceeded to a jury trial. Owuor was found guilty as charged. This is his appeal.

II.

Rule 12(d) of the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure provides that “when factual issues are involved in deciding a [pretrial] motion, the court must state its essential findings on the record.” Fed. R. Crim. P. 12(d). Owuor contends that the district court violated Rule 12(d) in its May 5, 2009 Memorandum Opinion and Order by failing to make detailed findings regarding the credibility of ICE Agents Diamond and Henderson. We find no merit in his position. The district court’s order adequately explained its legal conclusions and its findings of fact upon which those conclusions were based. Cf. United States v. Ramstad, 219 F.3d 1263, 1265 (10th Cir. 2000) (finding rule violated where the district court did not make any findings or otherwise explain its denial of the defendant’s motion to suppress); United States v. Moore, 936 F.2d 287, 288-89 (6th Cir. 1991) (finding rule violated where district court denied defendant’s motion to suppress without explanation). To the extent that the district court relied on the ICE agents’ testimony, implicit in the court’s order is its determination that the agents were credible. The district court did not violate Rule 12(d).

III.

Owuor also contends that the district court erred in denying his motion to suppress his statements to the ICE agents because he was not given a Miranda warning until after those statements were made. “We apply a mixed standard of review to the denial of a suppression motion, reviewing the district court’s findings of fact for clear error and its application of the law to those facts de novo.” United States v. Farley, 607 F.3d 1294, 1325 (11th Cir. 2010).

In United States v. Kirk, 528 F.2d 1057 (5th Cir. 1976),[ 1 ] the defendant was arrested for public intoxication while hitchiking near San Antonio, Texas. Id. at 1059. When asked by city police officers where he was going, the defendant stated that he was going to Washington to kill the President of the United States. Id. at 1059-60. The city police officers then gave the defendant a Miranda warning and took him to the police station. At the station, the officers contacted the Secret Service and informed them about the defendant’s threat on the President’s life. Id. at 1060. Shortly thereafter, two Secret Service agents went to the police station to interrogate the defendant. Without giving the defendant another Miranda warning, the agents asked the defendant what he was doing in San Antonio and why he wanted to harm the President. In response, the defendant stated that the President and other politicians “were responsible for the bad condition of our country” and that “I’m going to fix things. I’m going to blow [his] brains out.” Id. (quotation marks omitted). Based on that threat alone, the defendant was charged and convicted of threatening the life of the President of the United States, in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 871. Id.

The defendant argued on appeal that the district court erred by admitting his threat into evidence because the Secret Service agents did not advise him of his Miranda rights before their interrogation. See id. at 1061. Our predecessor court rejected the defendant’s argument, reasoning that “[t]he Fifth Amendment’s prohibition against self-incrimination relates to crimes alleged to have been committed prior to the time when the testimony is sought.” Id. (emphasis added). Because the defendant’s threat was itself a crime, the court concluded that his Fifth Amendment rights were not violated. See id. at 1062 (explaining that “no fifth amendment problem is presented when a statement is admitted into evidence which is not confessional in nature, but in and of itself constitutes the crime charged”); see also United States v. Paskett, 950 F.2d 705, 708 (11th Cir. 1992) (explaining that “no person has a constitutional right to be warned of his rights before he commits a crime” (quotation marks omitted)); United States v. Smith, 7 F.3d 1164, 1167 (5th Cir. 1993) (concluding that defendant’s threat to kill the president of the United States was admissible even if a Miranda violation occurred because the threat was a new crime rather than evidence of a prior offense); United States v. Mitchell, 812 F.2d 1250, 1254 (9th Cir. 1987) (rejecting argument that the exclusionary rule bars prosecution of the crime itself), overruled on other grounds by Planned Parenthood of Columbia/Willamette, Inc., v. Am. Coalition of Life Activists, 290 F.3d 1058, 1066-70 (9th Cir. 2002).

Kirk controls the outcome of this case. As in Kirk, Owuor’s statements to the ICE agents in the visitation room were new crimes rather than statements that related to past crimes. Accordingly, there is “no fifth amendment problem,” see Kirk, 528 F.2d at 1061-62, and the district court did not err in denying Owuor’s suppression motion.

IV.

Owuor also contends that the district court erred by giving an Allen charge to the jury. We review that decision only for abuse of discretion. United States v. Woodard, 531 F.3d 1352, 1364 (11th Cir. 2008). “We will find that a district court has abused its discretion in giving [an] Allen charge only if the charge was inherently coercive.” Id. In determining whether the charge was coercive, “we consider the language of the charge and the totality of the circumstances under which it was delivered . . . .” Id.

The charge given by the district court was almost identical to the modified Allen charge in the Eleventh Circuit Pattern Jury Instructions. See U.S. Eleventh Circuit Pattern Jury Instructions (Criminal Cases), Trial Instructions n.7 (West 2003). We have approved the use of that instruction on several occasions. See e.g., United States v. Chigbo, 38 F.3d 543, 546 (11th Cir. 1994). Nothing in the circumstances surrounding the reading of the charge was coercive. The district court gave the Allen charge after the jury announced that it was deadlocked and did not poll the jury before reading the charge. At the time the charge was given, the jurors had deliberated for roughly four hours. The fact that the jury returned a verdict about 20 minutes later is not enough to find the charge coercive. See United States v. Scruggs, 583 F.2d 238, 240-41 (5th Cir. 1978) (finding that Allen charge was not coercive where charge was given after four and a half hours of deliberations and was read forty-eight minutes before the jury returned a verdict); Chigbo, 38 F.3d at 546 (concluding that 30 minutes between Allen charge and the jury’s verdict was not enough to find the charge coercive). No abuse of discretion occurred.

AFFIRMED.

1. In Bonner v. City of Prichard, 661 F.2d 1206, 1209 (11th Cir. 1981) (en banc), we adopted as binding precedent all decisions of the former Fifth Circuit before October 1, 1981.

 

This copy provided by Leagle, Inc.

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Posted in Diaspora News, Kenya | 5 Comments »

Wife Found Dead On Kitchen Floor; Husband Charged

Posted by Administrator on September 27, 2010

 

Fredrick Gathoga who has been charged with murder of his wife Naomi Mwangi in Georgia

Fredrick Gathoga who has been charged with murder of his wife Naomi Mwangi in Georgia

PALMETTO, Ga. A Fulton County man accused of killing his wife is scheduled to go to court Monday morning.

Palmetto Police Department officials said a Palmetto man was charged with murder after his wife was found dead on Saturday.

The incident happened at a home on Carlton Point Drive around 2:30 a.m.

Officers responding to a 911 call at the home said when they arrived they found Naomi Mwangi lying dead on the kitchen floor.

Moments later, Mwangi’s husband, Fredrick Gathoga, 41, was taken into police custody. He was later charged with murder, John Bankhead with the Georgia Bureau of Investigation said.

Medical Examiner’s Office officials said Mwangi was killed by blunt force trauma to the head.

Police said she was killed during an argument.

Source: WSBTV

The family of the slain woman -Naomi Mwangi is seeking help. Naomi left behind two children Jedidah Mwangi,11 and Daniel Mwangi 8. The family is requesting assistance to help transport Naomi’s body home. More will be posted later. For now, you can contact Francis Kangangi and Sarah Gathogo on cellphone 404-379-1964. Their address is 4050 Morgan Rd #212, Union City, GA 30291

Posted in Diaspora News, Kenya | 22 Comments »

Friends, Family bid farewell to the Late Eric Njunuri Kihika

Posted by Administrator on September 25, 2010

Pallbearers escort the body of the late Eric Njunuri Kihika

Pallbearers escort the body of the late Eric Njunuri Kihika

Hundreds of family members, relatives and friends gathered together on Saturday September 19th 2010 to pay their last respects and celebrate the life of the late Eric Kihika Njunuri. 

Eric was born in Houston, Texas on July 28th, 1991 to Mr. and Mrs. Sam Njunuri, Eric was the beloved brother to Catherine, Andrew and Stephanie.

Eric excelled all through his years, from elementary school all through to college. While in high school, he was a member of the swim team and led them to many victories. Upon his high school graduation in May 2009, Eric proceeded to Baylor University in Waco, Texas to pursue his dream of becoming a lawyer.

Eric went to be with the Lord on September 3rd, 2010. He will be dearly missed by his family, friends and all who knew and cherished him. Eric will not only be remembered for his warm smile, but also for his generous and caring nature.

The funeral service was held at Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church and conducted by Pastors Witness Swai of Sifa Church, John Muturi of End Time Revival Ministry and Paul Akatsa of Salt and Light Church International all of Houston, Texas. Eric was laid to rest at Forestpark Cemetery.

Please accept this heartfelt thank you to all those who participated in one way or the other by offering words of comfort, prayers, visitations, emotional and financial support. Special thanks go to Robert Kimani and the funeral organizing committee, Mr. John Nganga and his team from Sir Johns Investments in Dallas, Texas for conducting the funeral and Forestpark Cemetery for the internment.

OTHER PHOTOS FROM THE FUNERAL SERVICE

Dondre Johnson leading the honor tribute and salute

Dondre Johnson leading the honor tribute and salute

The Late Eric Kihika's Family and Friends

The Late Eric Njunuri Kihika's Family and Friends

The Late Eric Kihika's Family

The Late Eric Kihika's Family

The Late Eric Njunuri's parent; Mr and Mrs Sam Njunuri

The Late Eric Njunuri Kihika's parents; Mr and Mrs Sam Njunuri

Posted in Obituaries | 3 Comments »

With friends like these…

Posted by Administrator on September 25, 2010

By NJOKI KAIGAI

lets rip about girlfriends who change like chameleons once they get into a love relationship

I AM NEVER sure whether to laugh, leap for joy or run for the hills whenever one of my girlfriends gets into a relationship.

Given the amount of misery and turmoil in this world, we always welcome the prospects of one happy individual. But I must confess that women display some very strange behaviour once they get into a relationship.

While I do not wish to prick the love bubble, I’d like to give a few pointers to our sisters.
When some of our sisters get bitten by the love bug, they suddenly become experts in making drastic decisions about their new catch.

They decide, often without consultation, that the entire world must stop their daily lives and shift focus to the new man.

Conversation is changed and reconfigured to feature anything and everything about the new man.

Instead of talking about the latest social happenings, these girls will literally force their audiences to sit through  sometimes very boring tales about their newfound partners.

It is perfectly understandable when a woman  keeps talking about her baby’s milestones, but for one to imagine that the life of a grown male is of endless interest to the rest of the world is just too much.

Finding a man to date is in no way similar to discovering oil so put a lid on the urge to shout all over about it ladies.

There is another group of women who cease to exist once they get into any form of relationship with a man.

All sense of self is submerged into the character of the man in an attempt to attain the highest levels of conformity and compatibility. 

Before this relationship, your girlfriend may have been funny, witty and great company, but this same person will suddenly transform into  a boring mute when she discovers that her new partner in love prefers his love interests silent and attentive.

Those with buxomy figures court death with weight loss concoctions if their latest peremende prefers his women willowy like reeds. Others opt to challenge nature by becoming conjoined twins with their new man.

New dietary habits are acquired or shed depending on which way their man’s radar swings. They wipe off their former life and instead gain a new identity.

The ones who find permanent love and become Mrs. So and So are the worst culprits of this behaviour.

Dare you call them by their maiden or pre-relationship name, they will lynch you. For these women, relationships are not about compromise, they are about 360 degree changes.

Some women are certified love seeking missiles as they keep moving from one love interest to another.

Every time they find love, they change completely and leave their pals totally confused about who their real identities.
The common practice of some women once they find love is to abandon their girlfriends as they head off into relationship bliss.

They suddenly become unavailable and unreachable. They will let you know that they must tick, check and then cross-check with their significant other before they can come out to play. Forget about inviting your pal for those impromptu hook-ups that are sometimes necessary for women’s bonding.

These girls will only come out if and when their man deems it fit that they can go out.

Once some women find love, they will begin to question the loyalty of girlfriends they have grown up with from the cradle.

Their new partner becomes the judge of who constitutes a great and true friend. If the new man hates the way you look or sound then your goose is completely cooked.

Never mind the fact that it’s you who has always been there for those unforeseen bail-outs, shoulder-crying sessions and all those other peculiarities of being someone’s friend. 

These habits are annoying because they vex, annoy and irritate the rest of us well-meaning girlfriends. They can be tiresome if your friend is the type that keeps changing men and therefore changing the rule book over and over again.

Lastly, these same chameleons are shameless when it comes to turning around and seeking consolation from the same pals they dumped once things go sour. Listen girls, there was and there shall be life after you fall in love, no need to mess up the world just because you’ve found a love interest out there.

njokikaigai@hotmail.com

Posted in Sex and Relationships | Comments Off on With friends like these…

Women and their fickle friendships

Posted by Administrator on September 25, 2010

Watching two female friends fall apart is a study in theatre; it’s spectacular, dramatic, frosty and the end normally screeches with an astounding finality.

The reasons for these dramatic break-ups are usually just as amusing; someone bad-mouthed the other, someone made a pass at the other’s man, someone refused to invite the other for her party, someone didn’t show up for the other’s party, someone was not there for the other when they were going through a rough patch.

Women’s friendships remind me of a house of cards; even though they might look well put together, they still remain very sensitive, wobbly because when that moment finally comes when they have to part, it’s flattened all-out such that you would never imagine there ever was anything there.

After the break-up, new allegiances are forged, camps are set up and the worse bit is that they drag their men down this abyss with a clear message “If you are not with me, you are with the enemy.” The “enemy” here ( just so you know) was someone who a week earlier, she was joined at the hip with.

Only when the problem is finally sorted out (after egos are stroked and prides are swallowed) are the men are given a new pass to engage the other party and her friends.

Suffice it to say, the whole rigmarole is not only too much work for the men but very juvenile and time-consuming, to say the least.

Male friendships are different. Men don’t have “best friends”. Men don’t sulk when someone doesn’t hear from another in weeks. We don’t do sleep-overs unless it’s because one couldn’t drive because they were too drunk.

There is never too much emotion invested in male friendships, because they are largely founded on practicality.

I once attended a funeral fundraiser for a good friend who had lost his child and there I met some of his friends who I hadn’t met earlier and I could immediately tell that we all served different purposes in this friend’s life.

During introductions, everyone stood up, gave his name and said how he was “related” to the bereaved. In attendance were colleagues, friends from the past, former colleagues, his neighbours and friends he does business with.

At one point, this guy stood up, grinned and after saying his name remarked, “And I’m his weekend friend.” We all laughed. I could tell that a few women found that puzzling. But as men, it makes sense to define our friendships, it makes sense to draw boundaries as to where we fall in the pecking order of friendship.

We are all labelled carefully and boxed in different categories. And this system works magic because it checks our expectations of each other, something women’s relationships lack (boundaries) and that’s why for women when it really hits the fan, it’s largely because someone had unrealistic expectations from someone else.

Having said that, every man has a friend his woman can’t stand. This is the guy who is supposedly a “bad influence.” This is the guy who drinks too much and is – by that virtue, irresponsible, or a pathetic philanderer or has no “focus” in life.

The list is always lengthy and decorative. The mention of this man’s name in your woman’s presence always elicits a turned nose, a twisted face or a disgusted look on her face.

But women need to understand that these guys make the cut because of their uniqueness, because they are different from us and that makes us naturally drawn to their traits – not necessarily to emulate them.

To assume that we are a direct product of our friends is to imply that we are can’t think for ourselves. Unfortunately girlfriends/wives can’t understand this principle of male friendship because they find it a threat to their dominance.

The greatest futility is for a woman to try to understand ale friendships, to try and dissect it and pass judgment on it in the hope of changing it. It’s a hopeless and futile exercise. Our repertoire of friends can’t be all proper and preppy.

We can’t have all our friends being civilised, focused, and hardworking and church-going. The boredom can be fatal.

All our friends can’t own combs; some will have to sport dreadlocks, and some will be bald.

We need the oddball, the one who spices our lives with his free spirit and the devil-may-care attitude. It’s a reminder of who we are. It’s the spice of life.

Daily Nation

Posted in Sex and Relationships | 1 Comment »

Habits you should not tolerate

Posted by Administrator on September 25, 2010

HOW TO GO ABOUT IT

  • Just like when asking for a pay raise from your boss, in relationships too there is something known as timing. Never broach such sensitive subjects while angry or after an argument. Even though he may have hurt you with his actions or words, choose the right time to bring up the issue.
  • Choose a time when the two of you can be alone without any interruption – you could even invite him for coffee or make a special meal at home and bring u the issue soberly without being emotional.
  • Talk about your feelings and what you expect from him and, if things don’t go well, then seek the help of your church pastor or a close friend of his. If all this does not work, then you can bring in a close relative that you both respect before making any irrational decision.

By Damaris Irungu

Today, the fact that many relationships are ending up in break-ups, has left many women in a precarious situation where they tend to walk on egg-shells around their men to avoid triggering a situation that may lead to a break-up or confrontation.

This is an unfortunate state of affairs because a healthy relationship should be a fulfilling one, where both parties are allowed to speak their minds freely and be listened to.

Many times, women are accused by men of overreacting or being unreasonable but there is only so much that one can tolerate in a relationship.

Instead of bottling your feeling inside, you need to speak up before you end up miserable. The following are some of the things that a woman should not have to put up with, no matter how much she feels she loves the man.

If your man is doing any of the things mentioned below. Then maybe it’s time to sit back and re-evaluate the direction the relationship is going and opt out if you are not happy – but before you do that, you need to speak up….

The ex-girlfriend’s calls
If his ex-girlfriend keeps calling and he entertains her calls, then you need to put a stop to this. It is not an over-reaction, ex-girlfriends are a dangerous breed of women and very unhealthy to your relationship. Jackie, 33, discovered that her boyfriend, Brian’s ex-girlfriend was the cause of most of their arguments.

“Whenever she would call Brian, the next couple of days would be hell. He would suddenly become moody and intolerable. I was quiet for sometime but the whole thing was killing me inside, I decided to speak up and told him about my observations which, of course, he denied. I asked him to tell her to stop calling him and if that was too much to ask of him, then our relationship could not go on. I simply had to give him an ultimatum. A couple of weeks later, I realised that I hadn’t heard him speak on the phone with her. I don’t care if she called him when I was not there, but I thought it was disrespectful of him to keep taking calls from an ex when we were together. If I hadn’t spoken up, I would still be miserable. It is best to confront the issue immediately instead of waiting until it’s too late,” concludes Jackie.

Flirting with women
It is one thing to ogle at women but a totally different thing for your man to flirt openly with another woman in your presence. It is not only annoying, but shows a total lack of respect, though most men think otherwise.

When confronted about this, most men defend themselves saying that they were just talking. Some will even accuse you of being insecure, but believe you me, this is the one thing you must never allow because most relationships start with flirting.

Next thing you know, the two of them will be meeting behind your back. Think back to your own relationship and how it all started with constant flirting. When you notice that he is taking his time with some other lady, better cut it short.

Most men will argue that they were just talking, ask him to put himself in your shoes, and how he would feel if you spent most of your time flirting with one of his friends or any other man.

Taking you for granted
Most men whether subconsciously or not end up taking their women for granted after a few years of being in a relationship. They believe that now that you are safely spoken for, he doesn’t need to pay you any special attention.

This has something to do with male attitude “I have conquered her now the challenge is over” so he stops paying attention to you. If you point this out, he’ll probably say that you are nagging.

He may not even be aware that as he ignores you, there are other men who notice that you are fabulous.

If you find that the lack of attention from your man is giving you thoughts of seeking attention from other men, let him know this..tell him that you have feelings too but don’t want to cheat on him, so he should ensure that you are well taken care of in all aspects. 31- year-old Salma who is married to a politician craved her husband’s attention but he was too busy with his politics and hardly noticed that she existed.

When she complained about feeling neglected, he accused her of being fickle and told her she knew the kind of life a politician leads before she got married to him so she should not complain. To keep herself occupied, Salma started going out with her girlfriends and before long, she had caught another man’s eye.

She was torn between her love for her husband and going out with this other man who made her feel so special. She decided to take her husband out for dinner and told him candidly how she felt. She let him know that she was missing his attention.

He realised that if he did not change his ways, he would probably send his wife into the arms of another man. Today, he ensures that he makes time for his wife and two children no matter how busy his schedule may be.

Cheating on you
A man may find himself in a compromising situation which was totally unexpected, but when he does this once, twice and even three times, then you need to sit him down and lay down your rules. If he does not change his ways , then maybe it’s time to wave him goodbye.

You didn’t work so hard in your career, achieve your dreams, get a nice home..only to have him infect you with HIV? Sue, 35, packed her bags and two kids and run as fast as she could, away from the man she had been married to for seven years.

Rumours doing the rounds were that he was sleeping around. “ I chose to put turn a blind eye and ignored the rumours, until it all became too much for me to bear so I confronted him. He denied everything but when I got a sexually transmitted infection from him, I knew it was time to leave.

I was lucky to get away with an STI, next would probably be HIV. No matter how much a man may deny it, if you suspect that he’s sleeping around then confront him about it and if he’s not willing to change, then move out. How often do we hear of so-and so having had a child with such-and –such woman.

The fact here is that not only is such a man sleeping round, he’s doing it without any protection and in the process endangering your life.
Too many women are forgiving when they should not be.

This is a matter of life and death and the choice is yours. It’s better to take control of your life than leave it in the hands of an irresponsible man. Sue moved out and has been alone with her children for a year now, she says it gets lonely sometimes, but she has peace of mind, and that is enough for now.

Hiding his money
Money is a serious issue in a relationship..it defines the thin line between love and hate. If you don’t know how much money he has but he always knows about your monies and even goes as far as to help you budget for yours then there is trouble brewing.

Most women keep quiet when it comes to matters of finances because they secretly hope that things will get better or that it is too small an issue to cause hell about…again.. stress that builds up and insecurities could lead to irrational decisions.

Speak up about what you feel and do this very early in the relationship. Money is actually a major cause of relationship break-ups.

Putting you down
If he can’t find the words to tell you that you are beautiful and appreciated, then he’d better find a way showing it, there are so many ways of doing so…there are men who have no problem telling your friend that she looks great but he would never tell you that your hair looks lovely even when you are just from the salon.

This is just a simple example but for June, 28, her man was good at always putting her down, “Michael would always comment on how much food I put on my plate hinting that that is why I was fat.\

And this he would do even when we were out with friends. It got to appoint where I became paranoid about anything I ate with him around. He knew very well that I had been struggling with my weight since I got the baby, but for him, I ate too much and did nothing about my weight.”

“When I confronted him about it, he blurted out that I should face the fact that I was fat and do something about it! That was the last blow for me, he had been so insensitive to me in many ways but this was the last straw.”

It showed total disrespect. I packed my stuff and left. There was no point living with someone who took pleasure in making me miserable.

I would rather be single and have my piece of mind than married and miserable. There is so much more to life than a bad marriage, “concludes a thoughtful June.

Source: Daily Nation

Posted in Sex and Relationships | 1 Comment »

When love turns sour

Posted by Administrator on September 25, 2010

By Josaya Wasonga

Bernadine is pissed off. And she should be. She’s got every right. She’s been married to John for the longest time. Given him two beautiful kids. A boy and girl. Given him the best years of her life. Given him the peace of mind and guts to make tons of money and, it seems, in hindsight, the space and gall to cheat on her.

She knows everything about John. Wait. She even knows the number of times that they’ve made love. Seven thirty two.

But now she’s pissed off. Pissed off because several weeks ago, John left her for another woman.

A white woman. And ain’t nothing like that to a black sister. She loves him, make no mistake about that, but hates him for doing this to her, with ‘that’, of all ‘thats’, leaving her like this, thinking he can get away with it.

She’s got to revenge, hit him where it hurts the most … not on his nuts, although she would love to, but some place that will make him go nuts.

Ding. A light bulb goes green on top of Bernadine’s head.

“This mother****r is psychotic,” Bernadine hisses as she opens the drawers and doors, her eyes darting from John’s expensive watches, to the designer shoes and suits, to his golf equipment.

“Only a white woman can tolerate your smug ass … I was your white woman for 11 years.”

Then she piles all his expensive toys, and trappings, and whatnots inside his expensive car, coolly lights a cigarette and sets the ride on fire, calling it trash. Bernadine later gets rid of John’s remaining stuff through a garage sale, selling them for a song.

That, right there, is a tear-jerking scene from the chick flick, ‘Waiting to Exhale’, where a scorned lover goes on a limb to show that, like the Sicilians say, revenge is a dish best served cold.

We can’t all be Bernadines. For some jilted lovers, trashing inanimate stuff just doesn’t cut it. It’s too soft. Too painless. The only thing that can equal their hurt is to cause grievous bodily harm.

Like, for instance, giving him the dreaded Lorena Bobbit chop, literally a low blow, and the personal (hush-hush) favourite of most scorned chicks.

But some chops may turn fatal, causing the death of one partner, or both. In the madness of the moment, when there’s absolutely no method to the madness, when common sense runs to the hills, and tears blind one from seeing the tragic consequences of their actions, taking the law into one’s own hands seems as legal as swatting a pesky mosquito in a malaria-prone area.

There are many ways to hurt an ex, and most counsellors concur that the best is summed up in the cliché, let go and let God. God?

Apparently, when love turns sour for some, anything goes. Religion has nothing to do with it.

Check this out…

Look for killers or just turn on your killer instinct

It was over. That’s what the elders knew for sure. The couple would go their separate ways peacefully. Kiss and say goodbye. Like normal folks. Well, the elders were wrong on this one. This man was anything but normal.

It was recently reported in a local daily that Silvanus Owuor Lwamba used a hoe to batter Esther Akinyi, a wife he had inherited, her nine-year-old daughter Lilian Akinyi and one-year-old son Barack Odhiambo to death.

According to the newspaper, Esther’s father James Ogolla, had called a meeting to discuss the constant friction between the couple and it was decided that the two should part ways. Lwamba appeared unhappy with that decision, even though he didn’t openly object.

The meeting ended with prayers from Akinyi’s father and everyone went to sleep. But the villagers woke up to the horrifying news of Lwamba’s act.

That’s one side of the coin. The other side involves jilted lovers hiring killers to do their dirty work.

Some are young, trigger-happy and see such ‘jobs’ as less risky than the ones that involve, say, robbing a bank. And with so many small arms in the wrong hands, and mysterious unresolved murders piling up in police files by the week, it’s anybody’s guess what could be the causes.

If you can’t box ‘em, bewitch ‘em

Laura* knew that her and Chris* were meant to be. They were high school sweethearts, going all the way back to Form One, and everyone believed that they would grow old together.

Their families and friends always said that theirs was the perfect model of how a relationship should be.

“I trusted her with everything,” Chris, a former professional boxer, moans. “She was the one who carried my ATM card … in fact, my everything, plus I made sure that her family was well taken of, because her parents were doing badly financially.”

The cracks started in their relationship when Chris’ career started floundering, he wasn’t getting as many fights as he wanted, and it didn’t help matters that they were from different tribes.

Unknown to Chris, Laura’s parents had been encouraging her relationship with a wealthy man from their tribe. She would go to her parents home and the two would meet there with encouragement from the parents.

“One night I decided to go to their home and found this car parked outside. Laura and the man were in there. Kissing. In a rage, I hit the windshield with a stone and it gave in. I was mad like hell. He started the car, flying over the kerb, hitting a lamppost, and I chased after them. As he sped off with my girlfriend, I stood there helpless. What angered me more was the fact that she was not willing to discuss the incident. Before long, Laura left him.”

Two months later, Chris visited a witchdoctor. He wanted the guy, who advertised his services saying he was from Tanzania, to cast a spell on Laura and make her lose her mind. Make her walk nude in the streets, to be exact. He was given a mixture of herbs with some stern instructions.

That was nine years ago

Nowadays Chris roams all over the place, mumbling incomprehensibly to himself, sometimes striking southpaw poses – he was a southpaw, and a deadly one at that – weaving and bobbing, shadowboxing.

People say it’s the years of taking head blows from other boxers that’s to blame. Others say it’s the spell that backfired. Others say it’s a depression brought about by losing a lover to a more moneyed guy. Laura is a happily married mother of three, twin boys and girl.

The real acid test, using the real McCoy
In Pakistan and Afghanistan, this is the most common revenge. According to Jim Verhust, a Times Perspective editor, since 1994, a Pakistani activist who founded the Progressive Women’s Association to help victims of acid attacks, has documented a staggering 7,800 cases of women who were deliberately burned, scalded or subjected to acid attacks, just in the Islamabad area.

If you think that acid attacks only happen in Asia, think again.

Henry*, who is a born-again Christian, met Liz* in church where they were both in the choir. Like they say, one thing led to another, and soon they had become more than choir members.

They were lovers, and Henry, a struggling guy who was at the Polytechnic and doing graphics jobson the side to survive, even started thinking about a wedding.

He even got Liz a job from one of the firms that gave him graphics jobs, his love so strong that he didn’t even think about giving the opening to his jobless siblings.

Then Liz changed. She met another guy, a worship leader from another church, someone who was in demand from the sprouting evangelical churches because of his music prowess. Henry didn’t stand a dog’s chance in hell.

“I sought out some tough guys in my ‘Mtaa’( neighbourhood) … I always saw them hanging out aimlessly, at times snatching purses and stuff, and told them that I wanted to give them a job,” Henry says, adding that all the teachings about turning the other cheek flew into thin air.

“I told them exactly what I wanted them to do. Pour acid on her face. I gave them the directions of where they could find her, but they laughed at me and told me to man up ( do it himself).”

With hate controlling him, Henry decided to man up, but was saved the damnation by his Pastor, who had noticed that something was amiss between the two. He counselled Henry, giving him what every broken-hearted person needs: accessible ears and shoulders.

“Years later, when someone sent me an email forward by T.D. Jakes, it spoke of the very thing I wish I’d heard when I was hurting: ‘And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. It just means that their part in your story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead’.”

Hiring thugs to teach him a lesson

This is the oldest trick in the Bible. I mean, the Politicos Bible.

But Grace* wasn’t cutting and pasting her revenge from this book when she decided to teach her former boyfriend, a matatu driver, a lesson. They had been going out for a while and, against her better judgment, she was starting to love him.

“He drove the flashiest matatu in the route, but he was ever broke and I’m the one who always bailed him out,” Grace narrates, saying that it seems the man, on realising that she was a banker, decided to hustle her.

Grace realised too late that he was a womaniser, and she was one of his victims. What made her lose her mind was when he disrespected her in front of his latest catch, a young college girl, not knowing that Grace had friends in low places.

“Just break his hands, and we’ll see how he’ll earn a living,” Grace instructed the heavies after paying them an agreed amount.

A couple of days later, she feigned surprise when she received her boyfriend’s distress call, telling her that he had been in an ‘accident’ and asked her to help pay his hospital bill.

“I’ll be there very soon,” she cooed.

He’s still waiting, jobless and in casts, for Grace to visit him with a card and an open cheque.

Fighting fire with fire

When Janice’s boyfriend of many years jilted her, just when she thought it was time to settle down with him for the rest of her life, she was inconsolable, and sunk into depression.

She quit her job, a highly paying and secure job that her parents had paid a human resource manager in a multi-national for her to have, and locked herself in her room for days in end.

“She refused to eat and we thought we would lose her,” her elder brother whom she later went to live with confides, adding that they placed her on suicide watch.

But what tipped the scales was when Janice learnt that her former beau, who was living in the same estate, was about to walk somebody else down the aisle.

Some of Janice’s friends showed her the wedding card, thinking this would make her sober up, accept the truth and move on, because she still nursed hopes that her boyfriend would “realise his mistake and we will make up”.

The following evening, Janice’s brother was startled when neighbours rushed to his house and dragged him out. When he followed them, and after squeezing his way through a crowd outside a house, he saw Janice lying down, writhing painfully, her hair, clothes and face burned.

Janice had gone and set herself on fire outside her ex-boyfriend’s house.
This didn’t stop the wedding. Nor make the guy “realise his mistake”.

But, like a flatline, it stopped Janice’s life. She’s refused to move on. Her scarred face and neck are a constant, reminder of the wisdom in Maya Angelou’s words: “You did what you knew how to do. And when you knew better, you did better.”

Source: Daily Nation

Posted in Sex and Relationships | 1 Comment »

Tributes pour in for Kenyan man who died on train tracks

Posted by Administrator on September 25, 2010

The late George Muthee who died after falling on rail tracks and hitting his head.

The late George Muthee who died after falling on rail tracks and hitting his head.

A man died after losing his footing on a platform and falling under a train.

George Muthee from Fairfield Avenue, in Fareham, had been in London when he slipped over and hit his head at Clapham Junction train station.

The 20-year-old toppled onto the tracks and was hit by a passing train on its way from London Waterloo to Basingstoke.

He was pronounced dead at the scene.

George’s sudden death, just after 6.30pm on Monday, has shocked his friends in Fareham and Gosport.

His family are now trying to raise the money to send his body back to his native Kenya so he can be buried.

Friends of the popular former Bridgemary Community Sports College pupil are determined to help out and are banding together to help his family in their fundraising efforts.

Leighanne Seath, 21, and Hayley Mitchell, 21, both from Gosport, went to school with George.

Leighanne said: ‘I couldn’t believe it when I heard about it.

‘I just started to cry. There are so many people who knew him.

‘Everybody loved him. He was brilliant, just so cheeky and he always had a smile on his face. He was just lovely.’

One of music-lover George’s favourite hobbies was rapping, and his friends believe that was why he was in London in the first place.

Tributes have poured in from George’s friends on Facebook, with his best friend Pete Slade, 21, saying: ‘Even though you are gone we are still a team and always will be mate.

‘You were like my brother but most importantly my best mate. Thanks for everything, see you at the other end.’

Hayley said: ‘He loved his parties. He was always the class joker and always tried to be a bit of a ladies man.

‘It just doesn’t seem real that he has gone.

‘I’d urge people to help his family pay to send George back to Kenya. It’s where he is from and his family want that to be the place where he is buried. They are keen to do it as quickly as possible but it will take them quite a while to raise the money.’

Friends have already put donation pots in the One Stop shop in Green Crescent and plan to put more in convenience stores across the area.

Leighanne’s mum Maureen Kildea, 38, added: ‘No parent should have to bury their child.

‘George was such a lovely boy, I’d ask people to help out if they can.

‘His family need as much help as they can get.’

Anybody who would like to help George’s family send his body back to Kenya should type in bit.ly/muthee into a web browser to be taken straight to the Facebook page.

Posted in Diaspora News, Kenya, Obituaries | Comments Off on Tributes pour in for Kenyan man who died on train tracks

 
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