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Archive for November 9th, 2010

The girlfriend with a child

Posted by Administrator on November 9, 2010

By Jackson Biko

Last Friday one of my friends – on his fifth beer – leaned over the table and declared, “Look, I’ve tried but it’s just not working.”

In case you are wondering, I’m straight, so is he. But he was referring to this woman he is seeing; decent, gorgeous, grounded, voluptuous and cooks with wine – which is to say she is a great cook.

But, she wasn’t even the problem, not really. The problem was her kid. “He is a little monster, indisciplined and a complete pain in the behind, if I could flog that little devil I would!” he added in frustration.

The problem with this 10-year- old boy was from the word go. Even though he tried to be this little man’s friend by buying him expensive video games, taking him for fun outings on Sundays and helping him with homework whenever he could (“except Math,” he joked) the boy adamantly dug his heels deeper in the ground and treated him like a delinquent, like he was some sort of an impostor.

He thought he was just adjusting to the fact that there was now a new man in his mom’s life, and sooner or later he imagined that he would “accept” him and stop his theatrics. Its been six months, and there hasn’t been any notable change in his attitude and he is beginning to think the kid is a reincarnated Hitler.

My friend says: way past his bedtime the boy deliberately refuses to go to bed when he is visiting and is “nursing ideas” which has Parental Guidance scrawled all over it. The kid constantly pouts and scowls at him. Whenever he tries showing affection towards the mum- even something as subtle as removing a speck from her hair – he throws a major fit to get attention.

He adds that the boy constantly makes peeving remarks about his father and my friend says he is tempted to tell him, “Well I’m here trying to clean up your father’s mess mister,” but he realises that that would make him the baby or worse make the kid burst into a hysterical cry.

He watches him suspiciously, as if he thinks my friend is planning to steal their electronics or something. And he never, ever, leaves him alone with his mother (smart kid if you ask me). Suffice to say my friend is frustrated. “Look, he is just a kid, give him a time!” I always tell him.

“No he isn’t, he is pure evil,” he whines, “I have done nothing but to prove to this kid that I don’t have a criminal past!”
Now, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting the boy in question and yes, he is a bit on the scandalous side, you know, a bit overly “angry” with life? And perhaps maybe a tad too sulky for a boy.

But, he is still a child after all, and you would understand his temperamental, this angst, of him trying to accept another man into their home; of him trying to hear a different male tenor in their home. To be fair to this boy, my friend – at first impression – isn’t exactly the image of a priest.

Child from hell

Single motherhood, as I would imagine, isn’t a swing in the park. It must be tougher than the movies depict. It must be demanding and draining emotionally, financially and physically. I bet it’s also lonely and thus the need to introduce a man into the picture, as my friend’s girlfriend did.

I guess it’s the man’s responsibility to integrate himself into this setup since he is the outsider coming into the inner circle. But he can’t do it without the support of the woman especially when he is confronted by an ogre of a son who thinks you are there to steal his mom from him. A battle of testosterone supremacy will inevitably ensue.

No man wants to engage a child. Nobody wants to be the guy who raised his voice at the brat who intentionally threw up on his shoes. But, when a man is dating a single mother, sometimes he is confronted by a truant child.

A child from hell. Granted, the man will do everything to try and endear himself to this child, but when it’s not working and it’s glaringly evident that this child will one day stab this guy in the leg when he is asleep, the woman should step in and instil some level of authority in this drama series.

Easy to handle

There is a point when a man wants to sit his woman down and bluntly tell her, “I think your child is spoilt and ill-mannered, and you need to do something about it because you aren’t doing him any favours by letting him be.”

But he doesn’t because, well, because women being who they are will take it as a personal assault at her motherhood skills, which will more often (when the conversation has gotten to that level), be glaringly wanting.

No man dates a single mother with the foresight of how he will have to manage her child because that would be like buying a car and thinking where you will buy its bushes when the need arises.

Whilst most kids are fairly easy to handle, others require a strong stomach, and single mothers who have made the decision to date again should, at least, reign in their specially errant children if only for the sake of normalcy in that relationship, or a semblance of it because it’s hard enough dating a woman than throw in her very vindictive kid as well.



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Girlfriend, this is how not to have, (and keep) him

Posted by Administrator on November 9, 2010

By Ciiku Kimani

I was recently regaled to a story of a girl who got dumped. Nothing new. Only that she had been given the boot for the umpteenth time, and she has never done the dumping. She is a resilient one though as she is ready to get hooked up again.

From what I gathered, resilience is her good side, but stubbornness will be her eventual undoing. She won’t take anybody’s advice on what not to do during a first date, or a 60th outing.

Not that I am flawless when it comes to relationships, but there are guidelines that every amateur should know. This is a letter to the professional ‘dumpees’:

1 Do not give men money just so they can find you useful. They will find your money useful, and you desperate.

2 Do not pull seats for a man — I mean, even men are no longer chivalrous like that, but for a woman to pull a seat for the man? Criminal!

3 Gender equality aside; on a first date, women should never settle the bill. Unless, of course, you are looking for a gigolo.

4 Never ever talk about your exes, especially on a first date, and never should you list their negative attributes. Relationships are not a guarantee, and when you go on and on about what a loser your ex was, your date will start imagining you talking about him to the next man.

5 Please, do not list the number of partners you have had, whether it is the truth, edited or exaggerated version. Just wrong. Honesty is good in a relationship, but such honesty is unnecessary.

Every man wants to believe his girlfriend was a virgin before he met her. Listing your male conquests makes you come out like the village slut.

6 Even when you are desperate, do not advertise that fact to him. Waiting for a man for an hour is bad enough, four hours is criminal. What is worse?

Letting him do it to you twice. Traffic in the city might be bad, but not that bad. Somebody who always makes you wait for hours on several occasions is deliberately doing that.

7 No matter how ugly you reckon you are, you cannot tell a potential boyfriend that you do not think you are beautiful. People will see what you want them to see.

You are your own mirror, and the minute you do not think you are beautiful, your confidence and self-esteem go down the city council drainage, and nobody will want to touch you. Besides, you put the man in a fix.

However much men do not want to admit it, they expect us to ask them whether ‘we look fat in this’. That question is as old as — well, anorexia I guess.

But asking a man whether he thinks you are ugly? Suicidal!

8 Finally, being single is not a crime and people will not think you are weird.

Single days are important for soul searching, self discovery, and to demonstrate to yourself that you are good company to yourself.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/DN2/Girlfriend%20this%20is%20how%20not%20to%20have%20and%20keep%20him%20/-/957860/1048654/-/47cs2cz/-/index.html

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It’s close shave with death for bar worker who was main target

Posted by Administrator on November 9, 2010

Suleiman Mbatiah | NATION Ms Frolence Marigu, 33, an ex-girlfriend of the administration policeman who killed ten people at Siakago town on Saturday speaks at New Coconut Bar on Monday where her colleague and a customer were killed. Below left, an early image of Constable Wilfred Gitonga Kinuu who was among the 10 people killed.

Suleiman Mbatiah | NATION Ms Frolence Marigu, 33, an ex-girlfriend of the administration policeman who killed ten people at Siakago town on Saturday speaks at New Coconut Bar on Monday where her colleague and a customer were killed. Below left, an early image of Constable Wilfred Gitonga Kinuu who was among the 10 people killed.

Florence Marigu is a lucky woman. She was meant to take the first bullet in the gun of her former policeman boyfriend.

Enraged by her decision to end their love affair, Constable Peter Karanja, with his G-3 rifle loaded with 10 bullets, first went to Coconut Bar, where she worked as a barmaid.

Fortunately for her, she had left her work place earlier than usual and the people Karanja found in the bar — her workmate and her a customer — were the first to be shot dead.

For someone who came that close to death, Ms Marigu was calm and composed on Monday, back to work at the bar until authorities shut it down under pressure from the public.

The mother of two says Karanja, who killed 10 people as he moved from bar to bar looking for her, was her former boyfriend. At the end of each burst of gun fire, he would call her name and shout that he had killed another group of people and ask her where she was.

She says he had been at Coconut Bar for most of the day on Saturday and did not show any sign of violence.

“He was here drinking and left at some point, about 15 minutes to four telling me that he was going to report on duty,” Ms Marigu told the Daily Nation in Siakago.

She said Karanja went back to Coconut Bar at 7 pm and told her that he had decided not to report on duty all together.

That did not bother her as she continued with her duty, serving other customers while talking to him at intervals.

According to her, their relationship ended in January when Karanja left for training at the Administration Police Training College in Embakasi, Nairobi.

When he came back, they met early in September and his request that they continue with their friendship hit a dead end. Ms Marigu informed him that she had moved on.

“He wanted us to become friends again but I refused. I just did not feel like it,” says this mother of two boys, aged seven and four.

The police officer, who was taken to the Embu Court on Monday to be charged with murder is said to have told those close to him that he was looking for Marigu to kill her as he shot whoever else he came across in her absence.

Indeed, according to Ms Marigu, Mr Karanja called her a few minutes past 10 pm to announce that he had killed some people at Coconut Bar where she was the target.

Ms Marigu had left her workplace earlier than usual since there were no more customers. The only people she left behind were her colleague and one patron whom she said was her boyfriend. The two were killed.

“He called me and told me that he was looking for me and that the moment he catches up with me, he would kill me. I was so afraid that I ran away from my house and went to sleep in a nearby lodging,” she said.

He was to call her again, this time just before 11 pm and told her that he had killed more people at the nearby Wa-Kiabi bar and that he was still looking for her.

Mr Karanja was to call her for the third time from the Siakago police station.

“He told me that he had killed 10 people and that he had handed himself to the police, He told me to pray and thank God that I am still alive. That is the last time I heard from him,” she said.

In the morning she was to learn all that happened from those that saw and had heard about the whole story.

“At least now I am not afraid. Thank God he is in police custody. I know he is no longer a threat to me,” said Ms Marigu.

Area police boss Jecinta Wesonga ordered Coconut Bar closed for security reasons.

Area DC John Chelimo was chairing a meeting with representatives of the bereaved families to arrange for funeral.

Some of the family members that the Nation spoke to were keen to find out if the government had plans to compensate them since Mr Karanja is a government employee.

Area MP Lenny Kivuti spent the whole of Sunday visiting the bereaved to console them.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/News/Sad%20but%20happy%20to%20still%20be%20alive%20/-/1056/1049706/-/st8m4d/-/index.html

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