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Archive for February 4th, 2011

Men and pregnancy

Posted by Administrator on February 4, 2011

If you are going to have sex without using a contraceptive, then you will definitely run the risk of getting pregnant. Or what a friend of mine says, “You will catch a baby.”

This is not protracted science. It’s not molecular biology. It’s not a conspiracy or black magic – which is to say your relatives are not after you. It’s not even a miracle. It’s basic reproductive health knowledge.

Coitus interruptus? Come on, that’s not even a form of contraception, that’s for people who believe in flying saucers and aliens. And, surprisingly, they are many!

There are many reasons why women fascinate me, one of them being that when they come to you with a problem, seeking a “man’s perspective” they come with an already formed opinion.

For example, they will ask you (holding up a green and a brown top), “Which one should I wear?”

“Green.”

“But the green makes me look a bit big.”

“Ok, brown then.”

“But that wasn’t your first choice, yes?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“So green or brown?”

“Brown.”

Then she goes and wears green.

I have a friend who has been seeing this guy for about six months. Last month, she discovered that she was pregnant. She was totally shocked; never mind that they had stopped using any form of contraceptive.

So, like women do, she called up the poor guy and told him they needed to “talk”. This would normally mean either of two things; to ask you where that relationship is “going” or to say she is pregnant.

Apparently, upon hearing the news, the guy just sat silent for the longest time then when he finally re-surfaced, said, “I don’t know.”

Yes, that’s all he said, “I don’t know.” In fact that was pretty much the longest sentence he said the whole evening.

As this story turned out, the guy said he’s “only” 29 and not ready for a baby. He was not ready to be a father. But she wanted to keep the baby. He said no, not now. She said if he loved her, he would let her keep the pregnancy.

He said he loved her, but that news of the pregnancy threw a spanner in the works.

And so they went back and forth for a month then on a chilly evening over coffee, he introduced the ugly word that starts with an “a”.

She was horrified. They fought bitterly. The evening ended in tears…his, not hers. A few weeks later, they broke up.

She now feels cheated and hurt and betrayed. She feels empty. Lately she has been thinking of that ugly word that starts with an “a”.

That’s when she came for my advice. I asked her why she wanted to get rid of the baby and she said it was because perhaps that was “the right thing” to do. For who? I asked and her reply was, “for us,” which in female coded language meant for “him”.

I told her I had strong feelings about abortion and that it would be foolish to do something like that for a man. Besides, there was no guarantee that he would stay with her after she did it.

She seemed reluctant, torn between love for her man and doing the right thing. I hope doing the right thing triumphed over love.

Women shouldn’t be too surprised when a man decides he wants no part of the pregnancy, especially when she has been seeing the man for only a few months.

Men’s capacity to handle pregnancy is dismal and even this is more diminished if he doesn’t see you as the woman he wants to have a baby with, because admit it, there are women a man would love to date but hate to have a baby with.

A woman should never think that she can “make” a man stay just because she is carrying his baby. It makes the man feel trapped, and a man who feels trapped is not any good to a woman.

So if you get pregnant and he takes off, keep the baby unless you had ulterior motives for getting pregnant. It’s not the end of the world. And anyway, I know of a handful well-adjusted people who grew up in single parent homes.

And pregnancies don’t just happen by some stroke of luck. Granted, no woman gets pregnant by hugging a tree, but ultimately, it’s the woman’s responsibility to mind her own reproductive health. I don’t see a man fussing over pills and all that.

But if things hit the fan and a woman gets pregnant, as good breeding dictates, the man should take responsibility for the baby, which shouldn’t be confused with taking responsibility for the woman.

Men who are honest enough to state this position should a pregnancy occur, shouldn’t be hanged.

But seriously, women need to realise that just because a man says he loves you doesn’t mean he wants to have children with you. Just because he is caring doesn’t mean he loves to kiss babies.

Just because a man says he will always be there doesn’t mean he means that literally, besides men say a lot of things, some of which they say just to make them look good.

If a man decides not to be with a woman because she got pregnant, the woman shouldn’t waste time moaning. You are better off picking up the chips and moving on.

bikozulu@gmail.com

http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/saturday/Men%20and%20pregnancy%20%20/-/1216/1100932/-/item/1/-/ai2kn8/-/index.html

Posted in Features | 3 Comments »

She saw an opportunity and grabbed at it

Posted by Administrator on February 4, 2011

28-year old, former shop assistant now owns a real supermarket. Photo/JOSPHAT NG’ENO

28-year old, former shop assistant now owns a real supermarket. Photo/JOSPHAT NG’ENO

Less than five years ago, Mrs Chesiyna Chepkurui was a primary school teacher earning Sh5,000 a month.

Today, she is a businesswoman to reckon with and is no stranger to a six-figure pay.

This is no small wonder because not many women are known to call the shots in real estate and land buying companies as the field is still perceived to be a man’s domain.

In Nakuru County, for instance, not a single property investment company is owned by a woman.

However, her entry into this market is causing ripples. “I want to cut the runaway male dominance in this field and I’m prepared to take the risks,” says Mrs Chepkurui.

If the number of clients who line up at her office at Gate House in Nakuru town is anything to go by, then it will be no surprise when that pledge is fulfilled.

“I was earning Sh5,000 a month and my husband urged me to quit teaching for a business that would bring in more income instead of always complaining about poor pay,” she recalls.

“I realised that many investors were interested in Nakuru and saw an opportunity in the buying and selling of land,” she says.

Armed with Sh100,000 from her teaching job and some savings, she purchased a 10-acre piece of land in Bahati, Nakuru North District.

She sub-divided the land into 60 plots and sold them, earning herself  a six figure profit.

She has never looked back and has continued to clinch similar deals that have transformed her Nasha company into one of the most sought after in Nakuru town.

She attributes her quick rise to trust and integrity. “I have clients who trust me by depositing huge amounts of money in my account.”

It is this trust that has seen many Kenyans in the diaspora buy parcels of land in Nakuru and Baringo counties through her firm.

Close to 3,000 families in emerging settlements in Nakuru County such as Kiamunyi, Kabarak, Pipeline, and Ngata have been settled through her initiatives.

Her courage and strong will to take risks has also seen her build a company that employs five permanent staff and about 30 others in the field.

She urges women to venture into this field, saying it has good returns despite its many challenges.

“I was once conned out of Sh3.4 million. There is nothing as painful as losing such a large amount of money,” she adds.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/money/She%20saw%20an%20opportunity%20and%20grabbed%20at%20it%20/-/435440/1100242/-/xra461/-/index.html

Posted in Kenya | 9 Comments »

Wambui and Mbugua cap marriage with church wedding

Posted by Administrator on February 4, 2011

Former freedom fighter Wambui Otieno Mbugua and her husband Peter Mbugua during their wedding at the St Andrew’s Church on February 4, 2011. Photo/HEZRON NJOROGE

Former freedom fighter Wambui Otieno Mbugua and her husband Peter Mbugua during their wedding at the St Andrew’s Church on February 4, 2011. Photo/HEZRON NJOROGE

At about 10am, on Friday, a well-dressed young man stepped onto the aisle at St Andrew’s Church in Nairobi, his face beaming with pride.
By his side, in a wheelchair, was his equally happy wife.

This was no ordinary wedding. It was of two lovers, a husband of 36 and his bride of 75, who have defied the norm and tradition and become a symbol of the proverbial power of love.

Mr Peter Mbugua was in a striped black suit, light orange shirt and matching tie while his bride was in a cream suit, wide hat with a flower motif and a large black ribbon.

When they first had their civil wedding ceremony at the Registrar of Marriages at Sheria House in July 2003, Mrs Wambui Otieno Mbugua, a former freedom fighter and Mr Peter Mbugua, a former stone mason, became instant media sensations. That was eight years ago.

Friday’s ceremony was to solemnise in church the vows taken in 2003. It had been planned earlier, but Mrs Mbugua’s illness had often stood in the way, the Rev Geoffrey Gathairu told friends and family at the church.

She has been in and out of hospital and now uses a wheelchair. The Rev Gathairu said when Wambui was in hospital last year, she had asked for a minister from St Andrew’s to visit her and celebrate Holy Communion.

But the priest said she would need to have her marriage blessed in church first and take faith renewal refresher courses.

She took the courses in November and December last year, and the couple underwent marriage counselling where the Rev Gathairu said “Wambui was candid although Mbugua was sometimes shy”.

“Love comes from God, and he is the only one who can explain it. Love is the source of the ability to give yourselves away in love,” he said.
Outside the church, Wambui told journalists she had asked the choir to sing the hymn “When the storms of life are raging” because it had kept her going throughout her life.

“When I was in detention, where we were beaten up a lot and over the six months I used to go to the mortuary to check on my late husband, S.M. Otieno, that song gave me hope,” she said.

She fought and lost a six-month court battle for the right to bury Mr Otieno. “I love Mbugua because he has taken care of me for the last 10 years, even in my condition,” she added.

All Mbugua said was: “I am happy. I am very happy.” At the reception in the church hall, the couple cut a three-tier cake.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/News/Wambui%20and%20Mbugua%20cap%20their%20marriage%20with%20church%20wedding%20/-/1056/1101826/-/7jac19/-/index.html

Posted in Kenya | 12 Comments »

Fundraising-Feb 5,2011: In Loving Memory of Linda Brenda Maloba

Posted by Administrator on February 4, 2011

Posted in Announcements | 1 Comment »

Seattle-Tacoma teacher accused of having sex with a Kenyan high school student

Posted by Administrator on February 4, 2011

Veronica Dawkins

Veronica Dawkins

TACOMA, WashingtonA Mount Tahoma High School teacher has been accused of having sex with an 18-year-old student and is expected to be charged with eight counts of sexual misconduct with a minor.

Pierce County prosecutors said Veronica Dawkins, 38, an English teacher at the school, had sex with a student who moved to the area from Kenya two years ago and lives alone, with help from a church sponsor.

“It is pretty shocking because she’s one of my favorite teachers,” one student at the school said.

The sexual encounters allegedly took place at Wapato Park in Tacoma, as well as at the victim’s home, prosecutors said.

The student told police that, “the relationship didn’t just materialize out of thin air. It developed. She’s a great teacher — very inspirational.”

KIRO 7 went to Dawkins’ home Thursday seeking comment from her, but no one answered the door.

“Yes, it is disappointing, but he’s 18, so they’re old enough to say no; they’re old enough to say yes,” said Lazendera Taylor, a student at Mount Tahoma High.

Not so, however, according to the Washington State Supreme Court.

In November, the court ruled 5-4 in favor of a clarification from the Washington Legislature that all sex between school employees and full-time registered students 16 or older is illegal.

Dawkins is scheduled to make her first court appearance tomorrow to be charged.

Source: http://www.kirotv.com/news/26736720/detail.html

Posted in Diaspora News | 14 Comments »

 
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