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Archive for June 7th, 2011

Are you having an emotional affair?

Posted by Administrator on June 7, 2011

Photo/FILE/POSED BY MODELS Emotional affairs are fuelled by the fact that there’s no sexual intimacy involved.

Photo/FILE/POSED BY MODELS Emotional affairs are fuelled by the fact that there’s no sexual intimacy involved.

To most people, an affair isn’t an affair unless physical intimacy is involved.

Cheating, in the context of marriage, has for a long time been defined as sexual intimacy with someone who isn’t your husband or wife.

However, the fact is that there is more to unfaithfulness than an illicit physical romp.

Think about it – what would you call regular chats, lunch and coffee dates with a co-worker, who knows everything about you, including the fight you had with your husband or your wife two days ago?

As long as you’re engaged in an intimate relationship with someone other than your spouse – whether through physical meetings, through the phone, email, facebook, or other social forums, you’re having an affair.

It does not matter whether your cozy conversations have never gone beyond the occasional lunch or coffee dates you have with that colleague from marketing.

As long as confide in each other, share your hopes, dreams and disappointments with him or her, then you’re having an emotional affair – after all, these are the kind of issues that you should be talking about with your spouse.

If you asked them, most people who are having an emotional affair do not think they’re cheating on their spouse.

Their automatic defence is that there’s no actual physical contact, so their behaviour can’t be considered cheating.

An emotional affair, like a physical affair, often begins with simple “hellos”. As you get more acquainted, the information becomes more personal, and you start to reveal intimate information about yourself.

You also begin to invest in the relationship, in terms of spending too much time on the phone or online with the other person, or instead of going home immediately after work, spending time with the other person.

Emotional affairs are fuelled by the fact that it isn’t a “real” affair, after all, there’s no danger that your partner or someone who knows you will walk in on you doing something inappropriate.

However, emotional affairs are perhaps even more dangerous than physical affairs, because they give the illusion that the other person cares about you, and understands you, and listens to you, unlike your spouse.

That said, if you’re in an emotional relationship, chances are that you’re going through a rough patch in your marriage, otherwise you wouldn’t fall for the overtures of another person.

If this is the case, the solution lies in discussing whatever it is that is bothering you, with your spouse.

You cannot tackle the issues in your marriage by talking about them with another person, other than your spouse.

While it is normal and healthy to have a social life outside marriage, these friendships should have a boundary.

Signs that you’re having an emotional affair

•  You meet your friend regularly for lunch or coffee, but do not tell your spouse about it, or if asked where you were, you lie.

•  You discuss your spouse and your relationship with him or her.

*He knows your plans for the future, and you have shared your fears, hopes, and dreams with him.

•  You go to extra lengths to spend time with him or her

The writer is a clinical psychologist. Do you have any relationship questions? Write to wkitetu@yahoo.co.uk

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/Living/Are+you+having+an++emotional+affair/-/1218/1176474/-/15bcj8vz/-/index.html

Posted in Features, Kenya | Comments Off on Are you having an emotional affair?

Kibaki stops further drop in mobile call charges

Posted by Administrator on June 7, 2011

President Kibaki has stopped further cuts in mobile phone termination charges, giving telecom operators reprieve from a looming renewal of tariff wars.

President Kibaki has stopped further cuts in mobile phone termination charges, giving telecom operators reprieve from a looming renewal of tariff wars.

President Kibaki has stopped further cuts in mobile phone termination charges, giving telecom operators reprieve from a looming renewal of tariff wars.

In a directive issued after a meeting with telecoms operators on May 18, the President ordered an immediate stop to the reduction of termination charges — signalling that it will take some time before the operators get new headroom to cut call costs as has happened in the past 10 months.

The decision, which has since been ratified by industry regulator, the Communications Commission of Kenya’s (CCK) board, means that the interconnection charges – the fee that operators levy calls terminating within their networks from outside – will remain at current levels in the medium term, giving the operators some level of revenue predictability.

The charges were expected to drop to Sh1.44 from the current rate of Sh2.21 beginning next month, setting the stage for a new round of price wars.

The freeze on termination charges effectively means victory for Safaricom and Telkom Kenya – the two operators who had opposed a further reduction in termination charges citing its negative impact on the sector’s profitability, risk of job losses and overall economic growth.

It also sends Airtel, the low-cost mass market Indian operator that entered Kenya last year and has been pushing for a further glide in the charges, back to the drawing back over its strategy in Kenya.

Airtel maintained its push for further cuts in interconnection charges saying overturning a process that was transparently carried out and involved all stakeholders would be unprocedural and harmful to consumer interests.

“A change in the implementation plan for the MTR will have a severe impact on our business going forward because we have based our entire Business Operating Plan on the successful implementation of the MTR,” said Mr Rene Meza, the Airtel managing director.

It was Airtel’s backing for the planned cuts in cross-network charges and Safaricom’s bid to freeze the charges at the current level that sparked a vicious war in the industry that went to the Prime Minister’s office for mediation.

The PM, Mr Raila Odinga, then formed a committee of industry experts to look into the matter but President Kibaki moved ahead of the plan to officially release the findings Tuesday.

The Office of the Prime Minister said the findings will be released next week but it was not clear whether the report has taken into account the presidential directive.

“The Communication Commission of Kenya board held a meeting on May 20 and the implementation of the mobile termination rate cuts was suspended pending a detailed evaluation of the economic impact of the current charges,” Information permanent secretary Bitange Ndemo said in a letter to the Permanent Secretary in the Office of the President, Ambassador Francis Muthaura.

The operators’ meeting with the President on May 18 also agreed that the government would take immediate measures to address escalating price wars and the risk they posed to the telecoms industry’s growth.

President Kibaki issued the directive just as the CCK released its annual report showing that the price wars which began in August last year saw Safaricom’s market share drop to 69.9 per cent from 75.9 per cent last year as rival Airtel and Orange increased their market share to 15.2 per cent from 13.5 per cent; and 8.5 per cent from 4.0 per cent, respectively.

Mr Michael Ghossein, the chief executive at Telkom Kenya, declined to comment on the presidential directive saying he had not received official communication on the matter.

It was a review of cross network tariffs to Sh2.21 in July last year that helped Airtel to slash its calling charges to other networks to Sh3 from Sh6, forcing other operators to follow suit.

The decline in call costs, though good for consumers, portends a deep cut in voice call and text messaging revenues and ultimately a slow down in sector profitability.

Safaricom’s net income dropped to Sh13.2 billion in March 2011, compared to Sh15.2 billion the previous year.

The telecom giant’s operating expenses grew 25 per cent to Sh45.8 billion in what the company attributed to intensified customer acquisition initiatives — especially for data and M-Pesa segments of the business — increased cost of value added services and the cost of expansion.

The CCK report released on Monday however indicates that the low mobile tariffs have helped to increase penetration in the country as well as minutes of usage.

Mobile penetration reached 63.2 per 100 from the previous 55.9 per 100 inhabitants, according to the report.

The penetration figures have however been questioned by some of the operators who say they don’t reflect the real mobile penetration level because many users own multiple SIM cards.

Safaricom, Kenya’s leading operator, has for example insisted that the penetration stands at 45 per cent of the total population and argues that any drastic drop in the tariffs may slow the operators’ ability to expand to rural areas.

But the CCK defended the drop in calling tariffs on grounds that the operators recovered their costs through increased minutes of usage and value addition.

The looming decline in call costs has stocked controversy in the telecoms industry that has sometimes seen the policy makers at the ministry differ with the regulator.

Dr Ndemo has, for instance, backed Safaricom and Telkom Kenya in their opposition to stop further tariff cuts citing the risk to jobs.

But a draft report prepared by the PM’s office argues that interconnection charges cannot form a solid basis for measuring the telecoms sector’s sustainability because it directly accounts for only seven per cent of all calls.

“Mobile termination rate therefore has limited impact on the entire business portfolio,” the committee said in a report.

The team had further recommended that the CCK reviews the telecoms business in relation to established pricing ethics to ensure that operators do not practice predatory pricing at the expense of the health of the economy.

The draft report also backed an earlier proposal by Airtel that the mobile operators create a clearing house for the mobile money transfers, opening a new battlefront in the industry.

Airtel first made the proposal three months ago arguing that it would reduce costs to consumers and enable recipients of cash transfers to draw them from their rivals’ outlets.

Though one can send money across the networks, the transfer process remains complex and costs 10 times more than the cost of sending money within a network, and has become one more obstacle to consumers of mobile phone service moving from one network to another.


Source: http://www.businessdailyafrica.com/Corporate+News/-/539550/1176762/-/rp4s11/-/

Posted in Kenya | 4 Comments »

Every relationship needs a makeover

Posted by Administrator on June 7, 2011


Photo/FILE A home should be warm, inviting, and the atmosphere friendly. Unfortunately, some homes are disablers.

Photo/FILE A home should be warm, inviting, and the atmosphere friendly. Unfortunately, some homes are disablers.

If you are dating, or have been married for a while, then you already know that a happy and fulfilling relationship takes conscious effort.

Unfortunately, not many people are willing to go that extra mile to nurture the relationship they want, yet they are the first ones to complain when their relationship goes south.

Forever is a long time, (this is what you sign for when you get married) so you might as well make your relationship the most enjoyable experience you have.

You can do this by making a few minor changes, changes that will give your relationship the bounce it needs.

Grooming: Before you got married, you made a conscious effort to look good, especially when you had a date with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Two years later, you got married, and all this changed. Now your wife wears an old stocking to bed, and an oversized, faded t-shirt, while you wear an old frayed tracksuit that would look better in a dustbin.

I have never understood why married couples let themselves go once they say “I do”.  Ladies, ditch that unappealing weave and wear flattering clothes while at home.

Gentlemen, there’s nothing appealing about the ‘cave-man look – you could do with shaving your head and beard more often, as well as losing those extra pounds around your mid-section.

You will not only improve your health, but will also increase your energy and sexual appeal.

Physical affection: Ever observed how babies coo when you hug them lovingly, or how fast they calm down when you hold them lovingly and sing to them in a soothing voice?

There’s something therapeutic about touch, and just as babies react to it positively, so do adults. How many times do you hug your partner just for the sake of it?

When was the last time you held her hand? Remember when you first got married? If you’re like most couples, you started your day with a warm hug and a kiss, and ended it the same way. What changed?

Why do you behave like strangers, when you should behave like lovers? The most common problem in many marriages is that there is no physical affection, yet they complain that sex is boring.

How can you enjoy the tango when you treat each other like brother and sister?

Listen to the unsaid: It is important to learn to listen to your partner’s non-verbal cues. In most cases, what is unsaid is mostly what matters most to your partner.

Women tend to be more perceptive than men, and can often tell when their help is needed. Guys, since you now know your weakness, why not begin to be more observant?

This will help you to identify when your wives need help, when they need to “talk”, and when they need a hug.

Communication: How often do you talk to your spouse during the day? I’m not talking about the normal phone calls, where you remind each other to pay rent, school fees, and other bills.

I’m talking about the “how are you?” phone call. This is the one that tells your spouse that you’re thinking about him, that you miss him, and that even though your job is important, he is more important.

That said; never talk ill about your spouse in the presence of others. It belittles him, and is as disrespectful as you can get.

Is your home a haven? My definition of a home is somewhere where you can retreat, relax, and find refuge in after a hard day’s work in a tense environment.

A home should be warm, inviting, and the atmosphere friendly. Unfortunately, some homes are disablers.

The first thing you’re greeted with when you open the door is a wife with an endless list of complaints, and demands, or a drunk husband keen on picking a fight, or one who’s more interested in the football match on TV, rather than how your day was.

Once in a while, turn off the TV and the radio, and use the quite time to bond with each other.

This list is certainly not exhaustive. Think of other things that can make your relationship more exciting, and reap the benefits.

The writer is a Counselling Psychologist. Do you have any relationship questions? Write to kenmunyua@yahoo.com

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/Living/Every+relationship+needs+a+makeover+/-/1218/1172398/-/4p2pv1/-/index.html

Posted in Kenya Marriages | Comments Off on Every relationship needs a makeover

Blonde women prefer blonde men, and that’s the tragedy

Posted by Administrator on June 7, 2011

Just like ‘blonde’ is not a hair colour but a state of mind, Nairobi girls are not necessarily women who were born and bred in Nairobi, but the kind of women who will attend a rugby, football, or cricket match not because they know anything about the sports, or even like them, but because it is an emerging trend — whatever that is — and friends of their friends of their friends who like it are going.

Many facets of their flawed persona have been vigorously investigated and reported, except perhaps for the most important one — the male company they keep.

It so happens that behind every Nairobi girl is a man who invariably wants her to guzzle beer and gobble nyama choma without ever gaining a pound, or a man who goes atwitter on the social media over other women’s hairstyles, but does not mind the smell of the months-old weave on the head of his wench.

A man who leaves his wife and children in the house when he goes out but forgets to leave his wedding ring — and still gets miffed when some single woman fails to drool over him.

A man who sincerely believes that he has “arrived” and should be honoured during a State holiday because he has joined Twitter, or because he has a blog.

A man who sincerely believes that a drunken weekend in some cheap outback is a high-end vacation option which should be emulated by all and sundry.

A man who rants and raves on Facebook about female television presenters not being role models because of their dressing, but has made a name for himself because of posting pornographic pictures on his website.

A man who thinks that a second-hand All Blacks rugby jersey is a fashion statement, or that as long as his belt and his shoes match, then he is mighty neat — never mind that all his clothes are hand-me-downs.

A man who rants about mainstream media, but still mails journalists his photograph and “opinions” and begs them to use both in a newspaper story.

A man who buys unbranded and contraband cologne from street hawkers and then brags about his latest designer scent.

A man who in the presence of company ostentatiously places his two mobile phones on the table and then proceeds to fiddle with his bluetooth ear piece.

With these types of men, it is no wonder then that the less stoic of the female species gradually mutated into the present day Nairobi girl. After all, their survival was at stake.

If you meet any of the above criteria, then you are a perfect Nairobi man, the chicken head of a man for whom a Nairobi girl is not only the best companion, but also the perfect audience for your endless attempts at being a real man.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/DN2/Blonde+women+prefer+blonde+men+and+thats+the+tragedy+/-/957860/1175872/-/121n9d/-/index.html

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