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Archive for October 1st, 2011

Woman speaks out from KC to help fellow gay Kenyans

Posted by Administrator on October 1, 2011

Courtney (left) and Terry Ng'endo were married in Iowa in April over the objections of Terry's family in Kenya.
Courtney (left) and Terry Ng’endo were married in Iowa in April over the objections of Terry’s family in Kenya.

Courtney and Terry Ng’endo celebrated their wedding like many couples. They  threw a party with food, cake, music, dancing, pictures. But someone at the  reception in Antioch Park in Merriam last spring apparently took their own  pictures, and notes.

Then that unknown someone outed the Johnson County newlyweds to a Kenyan news  organization: Terry, a native of Nairobi, Kenya, had married another woman.

Two days after their April wedding, Terry and Courtney’s picture appeared in  one of Kenya’s biggest newspapers under this headline: “Kenyan woman weds her US  bride in same-sex union.”

It was a historic wedding. Reaction to the first Kenyan woman to reportedly  marry another woman was overwhelmingly negative. Recent polls suggest that 96  percent of the largely Christian population opposes homosexuality.

Gay rights in Kenya? They don’t exist.

So, not surprisingly, news of Terry’s wedding flashed through African blogs  and media outlets like a backdraft of gossip.

Terry’s family in Kenya became targets of scorn. People threatened to burn  down her sister’s bar. Strangers pounded on the gates of her mother’s house. The  stress sent her mom to the hospital.

Unsure how local Kenyans would react, Terry spent the first weeks of her  married life hiding in the apartment she shares with Courtney and Courtney’s two  young sons.

The dust-up settled down. But now the newlywed women are ready to kick it up  again by reaching out to other gay Africans here and abroad.

Their first step in becoming gay activists? Sharing their story publicly.

“Terry really is giving so many people courage,” says J Lo Mnati, a gay  Kenyan friend of Terry’s living in Las Vegas.

• • •

By coincidence, Antony Karanja, founder of Jambonewspot, a website of Kenyan  news, was in Kansas City attending another wedding the same weekend Courtney and  Terry celebrated theirs in April.

When Karanja returned home to Dallas, the native Kenyan had several emails  waiting for him.

Did you hear? A Kenyan woman married a woman in Kansas!

That was news to Karanja. There had been only one other reported case of a  gay Kenyan marrying, and that had been two Kenyan men who married in 2009 in  London.

If this rumor checked out, Karanja knew that this would be the first reported  case of a Kenyan woman marrying another woman. And Karanja soon had a firsthand  account from one of Courtney and Terry’s wedding guests. The woman who shared  the information, Karanja says, “was not (in support of) the wedding. And when  she attended, I think it was for curiosity purposes.”

Most homosexuals in Kenya are still  in the shadows, afraid to live openly  gay lifestyles for fear of verbal and sometimes physical abuse. Many of their  countrymen believe gays are un-African and not good Christians, and the prime  minister states publicly that it is a crime in Kenya to marry a person of the  same sex.

Mnati, a 32-year-old certified nursing assistant, was so afraid to be honest  about her sexuality that she hid her feelings for women and married a man. She’s  currently separated from him and in a relationship with another Kenyan woman. “We are not comfortable in Kenya,” she says of other gays living there. “We are  very uncomfortable.”

• • •

Courtney, 26, knew she was interested in girls when she was in middle school.  She had girl crushes in high school but dated boys. When she was 17, she came  out to an older gay friend who told her that if she wanted to “stay in the  closet, that’s fine.”

So she did. After a few semesters at Oklahoma State University, she married  her best friend of three years in a small church wedding in Wichita. She was 20  and, though she didn’t know it at the time, pregnant with her first child. She  and her husband moved to Johnson County in December 2008 so their two boys could  be close to Grandma.

While Courtney was growing up in Oklahoma, Terry, 25, was growing up in  Nairobi, Kenya, the youngest of eight children raised by a single mom. Like  Courtney, Terry knew in high school that she was attracted to women but stayed  quiet about it, fearing reprisals far worse than disapproving family  members.

Terry moved to the United States to study at Emporia State University. Here  she felt free, and safe, to openly date women for the first time in her life.  She later moved to Kansas City to live with a cousin and find work.

She met Courtney in May 2009 in a local reggae bar. Courtney and her husband  had just moved to town. Sitting at the same table, alone, something clicked. “There was just something that I loved about her,” says Courtney, who works for  a local car dealership. “I don’t know what it was. I just really loved it.

“It didn’t shock me because I was attracted to girls before.”

They talked and laughed and talked some more. Courtney asked for Terry’s  phone number. Finally she’d found a woman worth coming out of the closet for.  But there was an obvious problem. Courtney was married, though not happily, she  says.

“I was getting older and learning more and more about myself,” Courtney says. “I just kind of kept myself in a box and didn’t tell anybody because I was  married.”

Terry moved in after Courtney and her husband split up. “I was sad because it  hurt him,” Courtney says. “But I was glad because I got to be myself.”

• • •

On the night of April 14, they loaded up Courtney’s sons  and four carloads  of their friends, including Courtney’s sister, and drove to Des Moines. Iowa  legalized same-sex marriage in 2009.

The next morning Terry put on a white suit, Courtney a pretty purple dress,  and they got married in front of a judge.

Now who are you? Terry’s mom asked her in a phone call right after.

I’m Mr. Ng’endo, Terry joked.

• • •

The next day they were cutting a wedding cake in Antioch Park.

Two days later they appeared in the Kenyan newspaper Daily Nation.

“I knew there was going to be a backlash,” Terry says. “It was bad because I  always think about my mama. I hate what happened to her.”

To shield herself, Terry decided to “disappear from Facebook” because she  suddenly had 100 friend requests from people she didn’t know — and was sure she  didn’t want to know.

She did, though, read some of the comments made online to the Daily Nation  story. Some of them called for her death.

“Some of the people were just rude and inhuman,” says Grace Njeru, a local  Kenyan friend of the couple who served as Courtney’s maid of honor. “I could  feel her pain, all the emotional turmoil she had to go through. After the  wedding she changed from being so happy to being so sad.”

The women, however, are taking control of their own situation. They’re  researching how to set up a group to support African gays, at home and  abroad.

Their friend Mnati hopes the story will give other gay Kenyans the courage to  come forward and start living openly, as she has in the last couple of years. “It will help us connect. But the other thing, it will help other people who  have never come out to come out and to be free,” she says.

“People want to be themselves. But they can’t because of our culture. I want  to encourage other gay people, just be you. Just be bold.”

To reach Lisa Gutierrez, call 816-234-4987 or send email  to lgutierrez@kcstar.com.

Read more: http://www.kansascity.com/2011/10/01/3177466/woman-speaks-out-from-kc-to-help.html#ixzz1Za5chJj6

RELATED STORY: Kenyan woman marries her American bride in Iowa

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Gunmen kidnap disabled Frenchwoman from Kenyan resort of Lamu

Posted by Administrator on October 1, 2011

Gunmen who snatched a disabled 66-year-old Frenchwoman from her home near a luxury Kenyan resort and fled towards Somalia were intercepted by Kenyan coastguards at sea Saturday, officials said.

“There is still a stand-off between the Kenyan coastguards and the gunmen. An army helicopter is also hovering over the vessel and we are continually monitoring the situation,” Tourism Minister Najib Balala told AFP by telephone.

Balala said two coastguard vessels had surrounded the abductors’ boat in the Arabian Sea.

The kidnapping, which happened early Saturday just across an idyllic lagoon from the celebrity-packed resort island of Lamu, came less than a month after a British woman was abducted and her husband killed a few kilometres to the north.

“It is true that we are looking for an elderly woman from France who was abducted by gunmen last night from Manda Bay,” a senior police officer in the coastal city of Mombasa said earlier.

“We have dispatched a chopper to chase the abductors who are suspected of being headed to Somalia,” Ernest Munyi, head of police for the Coast province, told AFP.

He said the abductors had forced a man working for the Frenchwoman and living nearby to take them to his employer.

“The gang knocked on the door of the house help who stays in an adjacent house and when he resisted, they forced themselves in. They then directed him to take them to the house of their boss, which he did,” he said.

“We are yet to establish if the gang was Somali pirates, the Shebab militia or a normal gang,” Munyi said.

Local sources said the woman was wheelchair-bound and well known in the area, where she spends much of the year. The kidnappers did not take the wheelchair with them.

“We were all startled awake because there were gunshots,” said Jeremiah Kiptoon, who works on Manda island.

“The dogs were barking and people were screaming… I ran to the place to see what was happening but by the time I got there, the lady was gone.”

She was kidnapped on Manda island, just across a lagoon from Shela, an exclusive resort on Lamu island popular with the rich and famous. Princess Caroline of Monaco owns property there.

The island — part of the Lamu archipelago on Kenya’s Indian Ocean coast — hosts a luxury hotel and was until recently considered to be one of the safest destinations in the country.

In the wake of Friday’s kidnapping France’s consulate in Nairobi issued a formal warning to French visitors to avoid the archipelago and the region up to the Somali border.

On September 11, gunmen attacked a British couple in their fifties — Judith and David Tebbutt — on holiday north of Lamu.

The Tebbutts, from the town of Bishop’s Stortford in southeastern England, were the only guests at the Kiwayu Safari Village, just 40 kilometres (25 miles) from the border with conflict-ravaged Somalia.

David Tebbutt was shot dead and his wife was captured. She is believed to have been sold on to pirates now holding her in central Somalia.

Somalia has been lawless for two decades after plunging into a bloody civil war with the 1991 ouster of president Mohamed Siad Barre.

Somali pirates frequently seize crew from merchant ships and pleasure craft in the dangerous waters off the conflict-ravaged Horn of Africa and have taken millions of dollars in ransom for their release.

A Briton kidnapped in southern Somalia in 2008, environmental researcher Murray Watson, is still missing.

A French secret service agent has also been held in Somalia for more than two years.

The Lamu archipelago is often included in package holidays to Kenya, together with game-viewing safaris in some of the country’s national parks.

Tourism is a key foreign currency earner for Kenya, East Africa’s largest economy. The sector had only recently recovered from the violence that had erupted after disputed 2007 polls and scared tourists away.

Following Tebbutt’s kidnapping France had warned its citizens to be careful in the region, while Britain advised against all but essential travel to within 60 kilometres (35 miles) of the Somali border, widened from a previous 30 kilometres.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/frenchwoman-kidnapped-near-kenyan-resort-072728707.html

Posted in Kenya | 1 Comment »

Life behind bars has not killed this man’s creativity

Posted by Administrator on October 1, 2011

Joyce Kimani | NATION Prisoner Kaberia Itaaru, serving a life sentence at Naivasha Maximum Security Prison for robbery with violence, has written three books. He has been in prison since 1999.

Joyce Kimani | NATION Prisoner Kaberia Itaaru, serving a life sentence at Naivasha Maximum Security Prison for robbery with violence, has written three books. He has been in prison since 1999.

Over the years, he had always dreamt that one day he would write a book, yet it was from his jail cell at Naivasha Maximum Security Prison that 52-year-old Kaberia Itaaru achieved his dream.

He has been in death row since 1999 when he was found guilty of robbery with violence by a Nairobi court.

Itaaru insists he was wrongly convicted, and has refused to give up hope that one day he will be set free.

He has, however, used his years behind bars to pursue his dream and now has three books to his name.

His first book, Joys of Solitude, explores the strength he gained after being sentenced to death in 1999. He wrote it while at the execution block at Kamiti Maximum Security Prison.

“Whereas I thought it was the end of the road for me, it also became an exciting journey for me,” he says.

He would write his manuscripts late at night. As his fellow prisoners slept, the quiet of the night offered him the chance to write.

When sentenced to death, he says, the first thing that occurs to a condemned man is that he will never see his family again. As time goes by, one starts to discover his inner self; one could even enjoy his solitude.

“Having grown up hearing of names like Manyani, Kamiti and King’ongo, I equated prisons to the scriptural Sodom and Gomorrah.

‘‘However, it was in prison that I was able to give myself a second chance,” added Itaaru.

His major challenge was research, as many of his fellow prisoners were not well read. The Prison Library did not have enough books either.

However, despite all these, he managed to publish his first book in 2009.

His second book, I’m Waiting Sweetheart, which was published last year, criticises certain traditions among the Meru, where he comes from.

It talks about a couple, a lawyer and a military officer, whose wedding is stopped on the eve of the big day by the council of elders.

It turns out that both were once engaged to a different partner in their early childhood, a practice Itaaru says is common in Tigania, where everything is controlled by the chief and village elders.

“Retrogressive practices like female circumcision are still rampant in the area” adds  Itaaru.

His latest book, A Letter to My Wife, is his true expression of love for the woman who still loves him despite his 10 years behind bars.

Itaaru says his wife supported him throughout his trial and after, unlike other prisoners who had been dumped by their families.

“It is about promising, strengthening and giving hope to the woman who has been waiting for her husband for over a decade now. She has remained a true friend,” says Itaaru.

His wife, a teacher, has been the pillar that holds the family together and has seen all his three children through university.

Despite having exhausted all his appeals, Itaaru dreams of being free one day and starting up a school with his wife.

He tutors the Naivasha inmates English literature.

Before he was arrested, he had taught literature in six high schools in Meru.

When I met him in the prison compound, he was discussing a short story, The Case of the Prison Monger, about a prisoner who preferred to stay in prison because he received free meals and a roof over his head.

He does not share the same sentiment as prison has not robbed him of his individuality.

“I am now identified by a number. I made mistakes in my life,” he says.

Diplomas in theology

Itaaru now holds two diplomas in theology from the Association of Faith Churches and Ministry.

He once served in the Kenya Air Force. He wants to share his knowledge with other prisoners.

“My sentence was turned into a life sentence from death sentence after amnesty from the president; I believe in miracles,” added Itaaru.

An ardent reader, Itaaru reads a novel every week. His favorite writers are Ngugi wa Thiong’o, Chinua Achebe and Francis Imbuga.

He also reads Robert Ludlum  and Jeffrey Archer.

He regrets not being there for his children for the last 12 years.

“I will never forget how my family cried the day I was sentenced to death. You affect many people when you are imprisoned,” adds Itaaru.

His three children still consider him their hero despite all that happened.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/News/Life+behind+bars+has+not+killed+this+mans+creativity+/-/1056/1245802/-/12nr1kdz/-/index.html

Posted in Kenya | 2 Comments »

New song in honor of Wangari Maathai: “Mama wa Taifa”

Posted by Administrator on October 1, 2011

Jambonewspot News : Kwame Rigii is honoring fallen Nobel laureate professor Wangari Maathai with a song dubbed Mama Taifa. The Kenyan artiste honor Prof Maathai’s role in protecting the environment and her steadfast commitment to the cause. The single was recorded at Click Track records and is already playing on Kenyan radio and also available on Youtube.

Posted in Kenya | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Breaking the cycle of bad relationships

Posted by Administrator on October 1, 2011

The prospect of finding the right partner is always endearing, especially after a number of bad relationships.

There is excitement, faith and hope when a new relationship is born. You cross fingers and hope that at long last, you have found ‘the one’.

At the onset, things seem to be working. Your work-days brighten up. You feel more energetic and stress-free.

But then gradually, your bubble is burst by a sequel of bad relations that end in heart break.

And once again, you are back to square one, wondering how many more frogs you will have to kiss before meeting your prince. You are not alone.

Many other women are in the same basket. Take Keziah for instance. In her mid 30s, she has suffered many heart-breaks while searching for Mr. Right.

“I have not had luck with relationships,” she says with a pained and dejected look on her face. “I have just broken up with my boyfriend. We had been together for six months. Then I found out that he had a wife in the countryside. It was devastating.”

Unknowingly, Keziah has dated three other married men. Expectedly, the break ups are taking a huge emotional toll on her.

“Whenever I find someone, he never stays for long. I am always left. Sometimes I wonder: Will I ever find someone to be happy with? Don’t I deserve to be happy? Or there is something wrong with me? Aren’t I beautiful enough?”

Tell-tale signs

Annette is another victim of bad relationships. She is always falling for the wrong guys, even though there is an abundance of good men around her. She is just not attracted to them. The trouble is, she never learns from her many break ups.

“I love spontaneity, drama and kinkiness. It’s fun, sexy and exciting,” she says.

And true to her word, Annette has dated a whole bunch of men who never care about her welfare or feelings.

Severally, she has closed eyes on the tell-tale signs that her partners have all been bullies. She hopes that she can change them.

“No one is perfect,” she reasons. “We all make mistakes; we all have our weaknesses. You cannot condemn anyone on that basis. Moreover, everyone is capable of changing for better. Even some of those hardcore criminals at Kamiti do change!”

Whereas the tendency to fall for the wrong kind of guys can be partly genetically explained, the behaviour is usually learned.

Research shows that partners on the rebound or desperate to pair off often suffer heart break.

In marriages, over 50 per cent of all second marriages usually end in divorce.

The reasons behind this often go way back to the victim’s childhood.

Noteworthy, as an adult, you are likely to seek out emotional situations similar to those in your childhood.

For example, if one or both of your parents was absent, you may be inclined to feelings of being ignored.

As a result, you may be subconsciously looking for partners who will ignore and neglect you.

Or if your parents were regularly in conflict, then you are likely to look for partners with whom you can fight.

Fear of intimacy

Similarly, it might be that you are trying to make up for something that went wrong, or was missing when you were growing up.

Like an absentee father. So you look for someone who is unavailable, usually a married partner.

You do as much as possible to make them love you to make up for your absentee father.

The fear of intimacy is another key contributor to this. It is usually inspired if you were physically or emotionally abused by your parents, guardians or close siblings in your infancy, or even past boyfriends.

You do not want anyone to come too close to you, so you choose partners who can never do so. And married partners often make for ‘good’ choices.

If you are always falling for people whose lives are all messed up, it could be that one of your parents – in this case the father – had organisational problems.

Your mother devoted all her time to caring after him, which you subconsciously want to do.

Or you may decide to go for a bad guy in the hope that you can change him. However, you will never change him. Bad guys don’t change.

In fact, nobody does, unless they make a conscious, deliberate decision to, and fully commit themselves to making that change.

All said though, the cycle of bad relationships is not a maximum security confinement from which you can’t escape.

So what can you do to set yourself free from bad unions? Start by asking yourself about your past relationships using these guideline questions:

Do I seem to date the same type?

Look at the partners you have been with. Pick out their common attributes.

For example, are they all married? Are they all bullies and batterers? Or are they all good-looking, spontaneous and full of drama?

How have I contributed?

Analyse yourself in respect to your actions in all the bad relationships that you have been in. For instance, are you overly critical or jealous?

Look at your childhood: Does any event reflect in how your mate treats you? See if you need to change, what you need to work on, and how best to go about making that change.

Are my spouses genuinely interested in me?

Look at all the people you have dated. What were their intentions for you?

Were they really interested in a long term union or was it just for fun?

Make a list of the most important items that you must have in a relationship.

Clearly identify your needs, then pair them off with your mates.

See if there is any relation, correspondence or acknowledgment of the same.

Ask yourself what kind of man you should have. Do not go for anything less than what is reflected by your values.

What is a good relationship?

Get a fair opinion of what constitutes a healthy relationship. Clearly identify how decent and proper interactions should be carried in a relationship. Note your roles and those of your partners.

Compare your answers to your current situation. If you are in a relationship, ask yourself whether your partner is anything like your list.

If he is not, cut tail and run! Do not ready yourself for more heart break; reach out for groups where nice people hang out. Befriend them.

That way, you minimise your chances of pairing off with the wrong kind.

Better still, you have nice guys to fall for. Remember, you are important, and deserving of a happy and fulfilling relationship. So go for it!

kinuthiamburu@gmail.com

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/saturday/Breaking+the+cycle+of+bad+relationships/-/1216/1245606/-/vwnbbl/-/index.html

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The marrying kind

Posted by Administrator on October 1, 2011

Many men have dated a woman for years and years… and then turned around, dumped her and married someone else within months of meeting her. Photo/AFP

Many men have dated a woman for years and years… and then turned around, dumped her and married someone else within months of meeting her. Photo/AFP

The last thing Nancy Wekesa got from her boyfriend of eight years, before he ran off to marry a woman he had just met, was a pink card.

He was doing well as a manager at a local travel firm, and the next logical step, at least to Nancy, was marriage.

“He was a good man. In fact I believed we were soul mates. I had met his parents and I featured prominently in his future plans, so nothing prepared me for what I was about to find out.”

The couple, who had met at their local church along Thika Road, talked about settling first in Buru Buru before building their house in a suburb and having two children. Things were going so well. But what Nancy found in the lovely pink card shattered her heart.

It was a message ending their eight-year relationship and telling her that her boyfriend was marrying someone else.

Nancy has since forgiven him and moved on to marry another man, but she still wonders why the man she believed was her husband-to-be left without an explanation and married another woman.

Invested emotions

Talking to women who have had to count their losses and mourn ‘wasted’ years in a long term relationship, a nagging question remains: Why did the man in whom they had invested their time, love, emotions and trust go off with a woman he barely knew?

Lance Mckeithan, in his book Understanding Men: A Guide to Successful Relationships writes that women are quick to invest their emotions in a man they think would be good for marriage, even before he considers what they have as a relationship.

He further explains that men take advantage of such women by giving the impression that they are on the same page, whereas they are not.

Thus a woman maintains a rosy view of the relationship and imagines that since she has found the right man and spent so much time on him, the relationship will automatically lead to marriage.

But it is not so with men. Timothy Kiama, 34, who got married two months ago, discloses that he left his girlfriend of four years and married his current wife within four months of meeting her.

Even his friends were shocked when they attended his dowry negotiations only to find a different girl from the one they were expecting.

So why did he throw out a four-year-relationship for a woman he had known for only a couple of months?

“When I was dating my former girlfriend I was just looking to have a good time. I was not thinking of marriage. And when I felt I wanted to take the next step, which is marriage, I could not marry my former girlfriend because she would not make a good wife. She was good company but she is the type who will cause you stress,” he justifies his decision.

He had only known the other girl for a month when he decided he wanted to marry her.

He broke off the relationship with his girlfriend and within four months married his new find.

Indeed, some men claim they can tell within a month of knowing a woman, whether she is the one they want to marry or the one they want to have fun with.

John, a 33-year-old gym operator, gives it no longer than four weeks to figure out whether he would marry a certain woman.

“You do not need much time to figure out if a woman is nurturing, concerned about you, respectful and one who will not stress you out,” he says.

If she misses the wife cut, there is nothing to stop a man from going along with the relationship especially if the woman is eye-catching and interesting and provides good company.

John says that if a man has not labelled you ‘the one’, he can still choose to stay on for years until he is ready to marry and meets the right woman for him.

Then he makes a snap decision and leaves the long-term girlfriend wondering what she did wrong and why he chose someone else over her.

The best option

“It is all about convenience. He stays with the woman he has because even if he does not plan to marry her, he is getting some benefits from the relationship. But he jumps ship as soon as he gets the deal he has been waiting for,” says John who has been married for three years.

Johns adds that since men do not make decisions based on emotions, there is hardly ever the chance that he will stay on due to the guilt of having ‘wasted’ a woman’s time.

“Unlike women whose decisions are influenced by emotions, we rationalise and then choose what we believe is the best option.”

Mckeithan writes that due to the trusting and emotional nature of women, men take advantage of them by acting in ways that reinforce the woman’s trust in them.

Eliud, 35 and a bachelor, agrees that men can be deceptive when it comes to these kinds of relationships, which he terms relationships of convenience.

He says that some men go as far as inviting the women to move in with them, always dangling the carrot of marriage in an unspecified future and throwing in hints of a solid future together that never comes to pass.

“These women live under the illusion of security because men make sure they feel safe and guaranteed of marriage. They are usually very shocked when the man marries someone else,” he says.

The man usually lines the path of the relationship with pointers that the woman will interpret as him being serious about formalising their union. She will have met his friends and siblings.

Former boyfriend

They will have discussed children and even planned how the future will be together.

She will even have met the most important woman in his life – his mother – but only as a friend.

Mercy, a research assistant, who is still upset after the man who had vowed to marry her left to wed another woman he had just met, thought that meeting his mother was the sure sign their four-year relationship was heading steadily in the marriage direction.

But it was part of the ploy to hoodwink her.

In addition to meeting his mother, Mercy’s former boyfriend always assured her that he had never been so sure about anything in his life as he was about marrying her.

She added it all up and waited for the appropriate time when he would be ready to marry her.

And then he left. “I met his mother severally and he introduced me as a friend, but I assumed that she would fill the gaps for herself,” she recalls.

Eliud differs with women who believe that meeting his mother means he is going to marry them.

While many men weigh potential wives against the traits of their mothers, it is the way a man introduces a woman to his mother that matters.

“Meeting his mother is an important sign, but only if he introduces you as someone he is seriously contemplating marrying and not just another friend.”

Men say that the years a woman spends doing all the things that she believes will endear her to a man are negligible at best.

What matters is whether he thinks you are the right woman for him.

If he leaves after years of courtship it could be due to an  inadequacy that he could not live with – maybe you are not so good in bed, or you are too argumentative, or his parents did not like you, or maybe you lack respect or social poise or maybe you were just a woman to have fun with.

The perceived deal-breaking flaw differs from man to man. But sometimes it has nothing to do with your character.

As Nairobi-based psychologist Chris Hart says, it is not always about a woman not being wife material, but rather about him not seeing you as the right match for him.

Contact the author on fwangari@ke.nationmedia.com.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/saturday/The+marrying+kind/-/1216/1245598/-/item/3/-/nkx8r0/-/index.html

Posted in Kenya | 4 Comments »

 
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