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Why (and How) Sex is Important to Men

Posted by Administrator on January 30, 2012

By Everyday Miracles Hub

I have a surprise for you, gentlemen: Your wife probably doesn’t know how important sex is to you.

Now sure, she knows that it’s important. She knows that you (very likely) want more of it than she does. She knows that you sometimes take an attitude when she is less than forthcoming. She also knows that she can use sex as a weapon, denying what she feels is a physical desire of yours.

But she probably doesn’t know that it is an emotional need.

Most of my marriage articles here on hubpages are for men. Why? Because I run a forum for women about the subject of marriage. I prefer not to cross-post content and Google likes it that way, too. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

In this case, however, I understand that this topic is so crucial to men that I wanted to give this article the most exposure possible. Guys, women just don’t understand!

Now I know, I know… Women are so mysterious. There are so many things about us that you just don’t “get” that it might be shocking to you that women don’t understand you much better than you understand them! But it is very, very true that each gender sees the world very differently, and if we’re going to be able to truly communicate, we’re going to need to “get on the same page.”

It isn’t Physical, Ladies!

Sure, men like sex. Most men I know love sex, even. It is a physical pleasure that is incomparable, really. But the physical element of sex is a desire, not a need to be met. Men can live their entire lives without the physical pleasure of sex.

What is more important to your husband or significant other is the emotional need that sex meets.

I understand you, ladies! You don’t necessarily think that men are emotional creatures! They don’t (usually) cry like we do, and they don’t talk it out. They don’t discuss their emotions and they don’t bawl into a tub of ice cream like us. But that doesn’t mean that they are not equally emotional creatures.

Like women, men want affection from their mate. Affection is equally important to members of both genders. But your husband or significant other might not be a cuddler. If he doesn’t seem interested in snuggling up on the sofa to watch tearjerker films with you, it is because his need for affection simply isn’t met in the same way that yours is: His need for affection is met through… You guessed it! Sex.


What He Hears when You Say You Have a Headache

“I have a headache” has become a common joke. Women are exhausted at the end of a day of taking care of household chores and children and don’t feel that they can fit sex into their night. They might be angry with something that their significant other did during the day (or week, or month) and feel that denying him sex is appropriate revenge for his insensitivity to their needs. Or they might genuinely have a headache.

But when you tell your husband that you don’t want to have sex… Or if you make up an excuse not to have sex with him, he hears your rejection, and he might become resentful. He hears you say that you don’t want him, that he isn’t good enough, not big enough, not fit enough.

Men are insecure creatures.

It’s not a Weapon, Girls!

Sex is a genuine, emotional need for your husband or significant other. Please, please do not use this gift as a way to manipulate him or to punish him for some perceived flaw. The key is to forgive him and to give him the respect that he needs as a man. Claiming to have a headache or to be too exhausted to meet his needs is humiliating to him and makes him feel like less of a man. It undermines his self-esteem and can make him feel incredibly unappreciated. Appreciation is very important to a man!

Your husband probably feels that sex is invigorating and energizing. After a long day at work, he probably wants to relax with you: and this is his way of relaxing.

I know, I know. The modern woman is asking herself (and me) “what does it do for me?” I get you, and I get your point. We tend to be a very self-motivated society. Let’s address that issue!

What does “Giving in” Get Me, the Woman?

First things first, you shouldn’t be thinking about sex as “giving in” to his desires. When you married your husband, you promised to love him until death. We are meant to sacrifice for our spouse and for our children. Sometimes sex might be a sacrifice. Some nights you might just feel too tired to engage in sexual activity. And it’s okay to say no. Once in a very great while.

But meeting your husband’s emotional need for sex can reap great rewards for you, as well! When you give of yourself to your man, you open a part of him that you might not have seen previously. You help him to feel refreshed and appreciated. You make him feel desired and desirable. You fulfill him in a way that we as women cannot begin to imagine.

Things start to happen. He becomes more apt to ask you how your day has been, or to offer to cook dinner. He becomes more inclined to romance you a bit more (in your way, rather than his, which is unsurprisingly probably sexual). You might stop having to ask four or five times for him to take out the trash (he might do it on the first request now!).

Great things happen when you begin to meet your husband’s needs. Bearing in mind that your husband has an emotional need for sex, this area of your relationship should not be neglected!


13 Responses to “Why (and How) Sex is Important to Men”

  1. mumbi said

    A very selfish look @ things, men jus think of themselves, plz write a balanced article, life is not about satisfying the sexual needs of men!!

    • Jamoe said

      Kwani we always have to read articles about what women need? Men need some consideration too. By the way, if you read carefully, the article is written by a woman.

    • maLAIka said

      @mumbi…and life is also about understanding that there are some genuine, natural and organic things that make us who we are ( men or women ) and we can’t change what is true… but to you guys, just don’t take advantage of the fact that we have ” figured you out ” and expect us to be screaming every night…@ Rich, we don’t want to give up…..we want partnership

  2. Rich said

    That’s masterpiece! If only Girls can heed to that, it can be a better Place! Give it up ladies!! Whatever you want to reap, sowing must be First…nothing Just happens.

    • Njeri said

      I agree with you Rich. What good does it do to denie it to your man. I mean, if you are married give it to you husband. I give it to my husband anytime he wants it. What do I have to loose?

      • the lady said

        What happens when you are not in the mood? Just lie there like a log and let him be done?

      • Eagle said

        If you are controlled by moods, you got a problem. You have a power to choose how you feel by choosing what you think. If have bad moods change your Focus!

    • waruguru said

      I agree with you Njeri. Women who give it up on demand to their husbands have less sex problem at home. This is because men sexual needs are phychological. The more it’s available, the less they don’t want it. So give it up and solve all your sexual marrital problems!!. Men generally are extremelly good at gossiping about sex. While 90% of them cannot sastify women sexually, 100% of them want to be seen as sex Monsters and it’s an ego thing. So as Rich said, women give it up. Men are not taking it anywhere

  3. ITHAVETHI said

    Hizi ni mila za magharibi ambazo huwafunza vijana wao chipukizi jinsi ya kupika, kupanguza wanao uchafu, kuwanyonyesha, kuwavalisha nguo, kuzikimu nyumba zao, jinsi ya kufanya mapenzi na mambo mengine ambayo ni ya kawaida. Kama wanyama hawafunzwi jinsi ya kuendesha maisha yao hasa washikwapo na ukwale, mbona mwandishi wa nakara hii kufikiria kwamba leo ndio tumeanza kufahamu yatupasayo?

    Mwandishi wa nakara hii ni mwanamke Mmarekani ambaye kwa kawaida yao, mjadala kuhusu ukwale na nyege katika jamii huonyeshwa wazi wazi katika runinga mbalimbali bila kufikiria adhari yake kwa watoto na vijana. Wazungu wakiifanye vitendo vya kufanya mapenzi ikose ladha na matarajio ambayo Mwenyezi Mungu aliyakusudia. Matokeo yake ya nini? Najisi na mauaji, ponografia, ukahaba, na mwishowe watu wake kuwekwa katika sajili ya wanaohukumiwa na kushutumiwa kuwanyemelea watoto wasichana na wanaume kwa minajili kwa kuwanajisi. Na baada ya kusajiliwa, watu kama hao wanavalishwa vyuma vilivyounganishwa na komputa katika idara ya polisi ili kuchunguza mienendo yao.

    Kuna migongano ya kitamaduni inaonekana wazi hapa. Mila za Kiafrika zinatupa wajibu wetu katika ndoa na mme na mke wanajua jinsi ya kuwatendea wachumba wao wakati huo ufikapo. Lingine la kusema sina, kwani ufikapo wakati huo, timizo lazima litimizwe.

  4. mose said


  5. PatMuigaiDallas said

    This talk is very health.This is because african culture has been a hindrance to such talk that has led to high level of divorces and many family problems. Men and women do not understand each other because they were both created differently and without good communication , that complication leads to their separation.
    Talk for instance most men divorcing their wives because their gave birth to children who do not look like them but looks like their grand parents.They simply do not understand the issue of dominant genes and wonder why their some of their children do not look like them.
    Look for example , the issue of denying a man sex ,making him getting it else and eventually ,when you give it to him,he makes you sex. Talk with your men girl and have an agreement that you gonna give but he gonna play safe .
    Also let men , understand you your needs because guess what their do not understand you unless you tell them. I had some female MPs talking about woman passion in parliament in the parliament ,when they were talking about confirming anti corruption chairman and I do not think they were talking about filling that position and seemed annoyed because men did not understand their passion.
    Health talk like this will makes each side undertand each other and know how to handle situation because the culture we still follow is absolute and development has overtaken them.

  6. mwangi said

    I swear some of these responses are so hilarious, made my day at work! Surely surely people, what goes on behind closed doors or as my aunties say under the blanket is beyond comprehension! Ata solomon said…….. “the ways of a man with a woman”……. iko kwa bible check it up 🙂

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