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Archive for January 31st, 2012

Why do women stay with abusive men?

Posted by Administrator on January 31, 2012

By ljrc1961-Hub
Before I begin this hub, I want to let it be known that I have been in verbally and mentally abusive relationships, but not the kind of relationship where I have been used as a punching bag.  However, I have friends that remain in these types of relationships and have met women throughout my life that have been the targets of their boyfriends or spouses and I have always wondered why they chose to stay?  In speaking with some of them recently and looking at my own decisions to stay with men that were abusive in one form or another, I am hoping that this hub will somehow encourage you, if you are a woman in this type of situation, to look at your life and begin to put yourself first.

It begins, I believe, with the modeling that we witness as we grow up.  It, being the preconceived thought pattern young girls allow to penetrate their identity, of what type of man they find attractive.  This is not something that is easily avoided.  If a young girl lives day in and day out with a father or male figure that is authoritative, demanding and unfair to the women in his life, then that young woman may seek out men with similar personalities in their mates as they reach sexual maturity.  Boys that witness their fathers or male figures verbally or physically lashing out against the women in their proximity may begin to feel that the mode of communication or allowed format of “being” with a woman constitutes an abusive type of demeanor from them.  Not to say that drugs and alcohol in some people cannot play a part in personality changes, but for the most part, we seek out people that provide a comfort level to us.  Unfortunately, the comforting feeling may stem from abusive attention.

People, women in general, don’t enter into relationships hoping to be degraded, yelled at or physically abused.  Many times, the symptoms are present from the beginning.  It may present itself in the form of constant insults or the continuous questioning of their decisions from their partner.  A way to demean them or question their abilities. Then, it may slowly progress to pushing or shoving.  Lastly, and most seriously, hitting or punching, choking and kicking.

I knew quite a few battered women as a teen.  I was afraid of their husbands.  These men would walk into the room and snap their fingers and the woman would jump up, no life in her eyes and shoo me out the door.  I would walk down their  stairs and hear slaps and cries and often, I could hear furniture being toppled over.  I never told anyone.  I was afraid to.  The next day, I would visit my neighbor and see her sporting a new black eye and listen to her excuses as to why her boyfriend or husband got mad the night before.  I begged these women to leave these men.  They stated they couldn’t.  Eventually, they moved away, to another neighborhood where the neighbors hadn’t yet begun to alert the police about the screams of terror coming from their home.  The most shocking of endings during that time in my life was the loss of a 17 year old babysitter in the neighborhood.  She was always fighting with her boyfriend and coming to work with bruises around her neck and arms and bloody lips.  I told my parents about her and I’m sure out of fear, they told me to mind my own business.  One weekend, she told me she was going out of town to meet her boyfriend and she was going to tell him that she had had enough.  They found her body in a ditch the following Monday.  I ran outside and cried after my mom had broken the news.  I felt responsible for her death.  I knew she was going to meet this monster but I didn’t know who he was or what his name was.  I felt helpless and petrified that I one day would meet up with someone like that myself.

In college, I had a friend that would get into fist fights with her boyfriend.  Then, afterward, they would make passionate love.  I couldn’t understand that kind of foreplay.  They eventually ended it with each other; thank God, after they put each other in the hospital.  She threw a full sized antique mirror down the stairs on top of him, breaking his leg.  He grabbed her by the arm and twisted so hard that he popped her shoulder out of socket and broke her arm.  I still wonder today if both of them married abusers.

As an adult, I have made friends with people from all walks of life.  Some of them are being abused as I write at this moment.  These women are smart, educated women.  They are athletic and work to support the family.  They wear clothing to hide their body marks.  Or, they tell their “war” stories of how they staved off the most recent attack as if they are bragging.  Some of these women are hollow shells, with sunken eyes and smile less faces.  They go through their daily routines of raising their children, catering to their husbands and pretending that others have it worse than they do so they shouldn’t complain.

The fact is, NO ONE should be subjected to constant or intermittent battering.  Yes, we all yell, argue and possibly get into heated arguments with our loved ones.  The difference is simple.  Beyond a hurt feeling and some tears, no one truly gets hurt to the point where they are immobilized in their life.  Constant mental abuse knocks the self esteem right out of you.  Fear keeps a person from speaking out.  Fear of more abuse keeps them quiet.  Relationships should not have this as the building block or the foundation.  Home should be a place where one feels safe.  If you don’t feel safe in your own home, or have never known the feeling of safety, then please call your local abuse hot line.

I have suported local abuse shelters for women and their children for years but giving clothing, toiletries, toys and food.  I cannot imagine how difficult it is for these families to leave all that they have and begin a new life; in hiding for some.  I left a mentally abusive relationship but I had the financial means to begin again.  I realize that many women fear what will happen to their children or anticipate more abuse if they attempt to leave.

The children however are forming images of what they believe a relationship should look like.  If your relationship is abusive, then that will be the comfort zone for your child unless they are lucky, as I was, to have other influences in their lives that can help steer them toward good choices in life.  I saw a lot of abuse.  I saw many adults throughout my life tell me that my business was to stay out of other’s.  I have been told by my friends that they can’t imagine giving what they have up to begin again.  I hope that someday, they can realize that they don’t have anything if all they hang on to is the dream that he won’t come home and beat her that night.  Abuse is death.  Even if you feel like you are alive…you are allowing someone to slowly kill you from the inside out.  It is a slow and painful death.  For the abused, the children and difficult for those who love you to watch you remain in a situation that could mean the end of your life one day.

My wish for you, if you are in this type of situation is that you will empower yourself with faith in humanity and the kindnesses of your friends and family.  Seek out people that can help you realize your potential.  Read books.  Scour the Internet.  Erase your history if you fear that your abuser will discover your resolve to change yourself.  You have as much right to be happy as any of us.  He will not change.  He will always give you excuses.  Put your children and their future first if you cannot imagine yourself as being important enough at this moment.  Do something.  Pray to God.  Make a friend.  Think of a time in your life when you felt confident in yourself and slowly work yourself toward that moment again.  Build up your bravery and know that it is NOT your fault.  Live without fear.  LIVE.

Posted in Features | 1 Comment »

Court now blocks vetting of judges

Posted by Administrator on January 31, 2012


NAIROBI, Kenya, Jan 31 – The Court of Appeal has now suspended the vetting of judges and magistrates until an appeal lodged by a law student is heard and determined.

Justices Emmanuel O’kubasu, Alnashir Visram and David Maranga have directed that the appeal be heard and determined within 21 days.

The student, Dennis Mogambi had appealed against a High Court order that threw out a case he filed challenging to the legality of the vetting process.

Mogambi argues that if allowed to proceed, the process will be unfair to the judicial officers since the officers will not have a right of appeal to decisions reached by the vetting board.

He also objects to the board starting vetting, claiming that the judicial officers will not have enough time to prepare their case or defend themselves against any accusations or positions.

The board is chaired by Sharad Rao.  The last member to be sworn into office two weeks ago was South African judge Albert Sach.

Read related story here

and also here

Other members are; Meuledi Iseme, Justus Maithya, Ngotho Kairuki, Abdirashid Abdullahi, Roselyne Odede,  Zambian Fredrick Chomba and Ghanaian CJ Georginah Woods.

The board will vet judges and magistrates who were in office as at August 27, 2010 to determine their suitability to continue in office.

You can also read a blog on vetting of judges here

The board was established by the Vetting of Judges and Magistrates Act 2011 that received Presidential assent on March 21 last year.


Source: http://www.capitalfm.co.ke/news/2012/01/court-now-blocks-vetting-of-judges/

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Kenyan man accused of biting son in Arizona

Posted by Administrator on January 31, 2012

A Kenyan man was arrested on suspicion of biting his son on the arm and ear in an argument about money, police said.

Stephen Kinyanjui Karanja, 50, was booked on one charge of assault after the incident, which occurred about 10:15 p.m. Wednesday in the backyard of his Chandler residence.

Karanja, who police documents identified as “extremely intoxicated” at the time, slapped his son in the face when they were arguing.

Police documents say the suspect continued to slap and punch his son, who retaliated by pushing his father back.

According to police reports, Karanja then tackled his son and bit his left forearm. After his son got up, the suspect grabbed him from behind and bit his ear before letting him go, police said.

A witness called a friend to take the victim to the hospital. He only suffered minor scrapes to the elbow in addition to the bites. Karanja also had minor scrapes.

The suspect had a previous driving under the influence conviction, police say.

Source: http://tucsoncitizen.com/arizona-news/2012/01/26/chandler-man-accused-of-biting-son/

Posted in Diaspora News | 13 Comments »

Hon. Peter Kenneth to join Kenyans at USA Sevens in Las Vegas

Posted by Administrator on January 31, 2012

Hon. Peter Kenneth

Hon. Peter Kenneth

PK2012 Diaspora team and Hon. Peter Kenneth (or PK as we all know him), presidential candidate will be joining Kenyans in the Diaspora in Las Vegas NV on Saturday, February 11, 2012 to cheer our national rugby sevens team.

PK will be enhancing the growing linkages that he continues to build among Kenyans of all ages and backgrounds. An astute sportsman in his own right, PK is the former KFF chairman widely credited with huge successes for Harambee Stars in the 1990s.

Hon. Kenneth has impressed many with his vision of a brighter Kenya devoid of corruption, food insecurity, tribalism, health problems, underdevelopment and other malaise that afflict our beloved country. Please visit his Presidential Campaign website www.peterkenneth.com  to read his Manifesto.

PK has been at the forefront in championing for the right of Kenyans in the Diaspora to vote in the upcoming general elections in Kenya. He has been steadfast in his support for the Diaspora and has repeatedly rejected any attempts to frustrate or suppress participation by the Diaspora voters. These include the notion of traveling for days on end to register and vote and also IEBC employing Ambassadors, High Commissioners and Consul Generals as returning officers. We invite all Kenyans of goodwill to help usher in a new era in Kenya under a proven, tested, corruption-free, tribal-free and development-minded leadership of Peter Kenneth.

We look forward seeing you in Vegas as we cheer on fellow Kenyans and share ideas for a brighter Kenya.

Wakati ni Sasa!!!

Thank you.

Henry M. Ongeri


PK2012 Diaspora Team


Mr. Ongeri is an advocate of the High Court of Kenya and is licensed to practice in the States of Minnesota and New York in the United States.

Posted in Diaspora News, Kenya | 15 Comments »

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