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Alarming divorce rate among diasporans

Posted by Administrator on March 19, 2012

There is no doubt in the mind of Kenyan Bishop Manasseh Man-kuleyo that the scattering of the sons of Africa into all corners of the wind, and especially in Europe and the United States has created a severe strain on their marriages.

While the divorce rate among the natives hovers around 60 percent, the bishop thinks that the rate is nearer 80 percent among diasporans. The bishop is so certain of his figures and calculations that he can tell, on the day a lovely family arrives from Africa, and their obedient children, how long they will last as a family.

The bishop has a first hand experience. One day, after a prolonged evangelical journey in which the harvest was great, he arrived home, back in California to find the devil, his wife, supported by white feminists, ready to serve him “papers” and wipe his bank account clean.

It was a battle which drove him from the pulpit for years as he wondered in the wilderness until he was rescued by the prayers of the faithful. The cause is not money, though the bishop says that the devil dangles these pies in the sky before the African woman. She will automatically have the matrimonial house, she will have half their savings and other bank deposits, and mother of all sins, she will have alimony and child support for the foreseeable future.

The devil adds a juicy bit; the possibility of throwing the husband in jail if he fails to come up with the money. “No, no, Ken, it is not about money,” the bishop told me. “It is about power.” Take the case of another Kenyan, Reverend Jonah Kusolo (name slightly changed). Going to seminary, working for a plumbing company in the evening, and working at Wal-Mart during week-ends, the black pastors in my district sought help on his behalf, so he could bring his wife and five children from Kenya.

It was a lovely family until the feminists got to his wife. “He makes me make tea for him,” the woman told me bitterly. I was asked by my church to investigate his material needs, with an offer of US$10 000 as first installment.

The bitter accusation was that the Holy Bishop had raised his voice (legally considered an assault here), was forcing his wife to cook ugali (sadza) against her will (considered slave labour, punishable with imprisonment) and committing infidelities by talking to the chairlady of the Women’s Miss-ionary Society in Kenya through the phone. “You see Ken,” the bishop told me, “Mrs Bukolo, by imitating white women, she has reversed the role of the husband.

Bishoop Bukolo must now cook ugali  when the wife is resting, and he must ask for permission to communicate with men and women in his church. It is about power.”

The African woman sees the free wheeling American women; they can “throw” their husbands out of the house, force him to sleep on a couch, and if she tells the neighbours: “He is going to kill me!” the law comes heavily on the husband. The racist equation considers a black man a danger to himself and to his family. He is locked up without trial for assault. Remember assault means raising one’s voice and causing fear. It is illegal for the husband to withhold money or food. Brother Choga, listen to this one.

Any unwanted sex can be reported to the police six months after the event. God forbid that the wife remembers when last she was an unwilling partner. But the bishop says there are other weapons within the devil’s reach. Children cannot be rebuked.

A Zimbabwean extremist who punished his son had a telephone call from the Secretary of State. The kids are armed with the telephone number 911  and schooled in how to contact the police. “If your daddy touches you,” the teacher tells them, “you must report it.” My daughter stopped her car to spank Master Miles who had refused to use his seat belts. A passer by reported the vehicle number. The Sheriff came to visit. Thus, the African husband is faced by a liberated wife, non compliant children, and every attempt to instill discipline can lead one to a jailhouse.

Differential incomes favouring the wife have brought untold humiliation on African men. A registered nurse can command in excess of US$80 000 per year, day one after graduation. A Nigerian brother with two doctoral degrees found himself a figure of ridicule. The wife, whom he had put through school, snatched a job as a professor soon after graduating with an MBA. She left their matrimonial house. The man was devastated.

African women are more likely to secure jobs than their African husbands. The differential inc-omes which favour the woman play havoc with the man’s ego. Add to this is the fact that he is no longer master of his own house.

To be blunt, a wise man must play second fiddle to his wife. Add the fact that his children are no longer respectful of his status as father (baba) of the house. The bishop says a wise man must replace his own headship of the family with a God-centred one. All members of the household take their respective positions in God’s house. The Nigerian solution is to send children to Africa for primary schooling.

Source: http://www.financialgazette.co.zw/comment/11979-divorce-rate-among-diasporans.html

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29 Responses to “Alarming divorce rate among diasporans”

  1. is this a complain……………..lol………welcome to empowerment.womenchildren empowerment…..u either tow the line ,or ur out

    • Safi said

      Maragwa! You are an idiot and possessed with the demonic spirit of Wangu wa Makeri. You must be the most unhappiest and miserable person in the world. That is all I can say.

      • ha ha ha why do African men have such fear ? get used to the idea that women are free in diaspora,why cant u go back to kenya or where ever you came from where women dont behave like wa makeri ?

    • Hope said

      Maragwa, these men just dont get it, you cant abuse and misuse women anymore like they did back home… welcome to liberation

  2. Netia said

    Not all that glitters is gold and many,many Kenyan and other African families in the US are in serious crisis because of the so called women’s empowerment; they use it as an excuse to despise the men which can be very shattering. During my time in the US, someone wisely advised me to avoid Kenyan women and if I have to get a woman then it would have to be either a white or latina. Also they said I should never bring one over from Kenya. After seeing and hearing for myself, the sad reality is that Kenyan woman in the states will mess you up, so its back home to tafuta and fuga there.

    • ha ha ha hata nyumbani women have refused to live with ball-less men..who just want to load over everything doing nothing much the days of dark ages are over….copy the white men and work harder use your brains dont just get happy being tu-kings in the house…get out there and compete with china,east europe and tell use you are men..lakini mambo ya kurudi nyumbani and fight to be the head of the house by asking your women to stop working hard so that you dont loose respect cos she earns mare 300 euro more is non-sense

      • Netia said

        Just answer for me this; what are the roles (not responsibilities) of a wife and/or the woman in a marriage or household? Do not be tempted to shoot from the hip but please go and contemplate the question and its answers then come back and respond. Do not give cliche responses like the one above as they show where you (Wa Makeri Original) and other so called ‘liberated’ women are headed (if you think I’m just talking then please kumbuka this conversation in 10-20 years). Answer that question and then if you are lucky to comprehend you will understand why thinking that only ‘money maketh a woman’ is a guaranteed path to misery.

      • wanjiku (Mama Njoki) said

        Wa makeri I agree with you….The problem with most Kenyan men in diaspora especially USA ni wasee wa gishagi…ocha, mashambaa especially waseee wa kiambu, lari lari kule, ngarariga oh my lololololllllolll…so hawaelewi..poor them.

        Most of you men are speaking nonsense here, empower yourselves both males and females, this husband wife roles is bullshit!! crap of yesteryears. Go out there and hustle to put food on the table. See urselves as loving partners and NOT “male” “females”/competitors etc…nonsense..by the way, i have been married to the same Kenyan man for the last 15 years. And we love each other to death.

        There is no woman man in our household and he hates that. We help each other fully in everything. No ones worry about who brings the bacon home, but we enjoy cooking it together. We have a good joint account that we respect. One is free to do whatever in their personal check accounts as long as they put their share monthly to the joint one. whats the big deal??????

    • Safi said

      Netia, you are very wise. May God bless you and continue to give you more wisdom from High and above. To wa Makeri Original: you can have your “first laugh” as much as you want. But at the end of the day you will one day be like that Kenyan woman who recently drowned her two children in Sweden after her so-called “empowerment by money” dethroned her. And by the way, your empowerment will soon cause you to roll in the dust in protest of “your perpetually absent husbands”

      • Hope said

        Netia, how dare you speak of the woman who drowned her children without knowing the details that caused her to do so, she was a single mother to be empathised with, Kenyan men poleni siku za women waking up at 4 am kukamua ngombe ziiisha, nowadays we have careers, and most african men inthe states bring a lady from home tell her to do nursing and he becomes a stay home dad. Should i go to work leave you at home watching direct tv all day plus hbo, etc and come cook ugali for you, the roles have changed my friends, embrace change and move foward and bring up disciplined kids. i tell my kids if they call cops, they will be taken to foster care- none of them has dared

  3. Poko said

    Let Poko put in her two cents.

    Poko, a Kenyan woman in America has seen and heard. Our beloved brothers (most) suffer one thing: Cultural shock and failure to adapt. I have been loved by Kenyan men, dearly too. Throw in my dad and my great uncles: I do respect Kenyan men bilaz…they are up there in my world. I have also been loved by Americans. The dynamics are quite different.

    I am actually holding out for a Kenyan man…Good lord have mercy, but many friends tell me “No Kenyan man will have me becoz am liberated”. I am an intelligent woman, given but here is my route to liberation: I arrived in the US with $500 and like most immigrants fought my way from scratch (pulling night jobs coupled with 12 school credits…no life) but I got Lucky along the way. Lucky becuase it was by the grace of God. I have been penniless, slept in cars, suffered car accidents, got sued for bills even arrested..but I still held my eyes on the ball. I finally got it lined up, pretty good too. The truth is: going through all these, I have gained experiences and lessons about life, the US system and was forced to ditch my naive thinking of 7 years ago. I go toe to toe with any American colleague on the job:Most of you know it involves being blunt, forward and direct.

    Fast forward: I meet a Kenyan man who had had his rough path to his success: A kid somewhere or an ex marriage. Unfortunately, this man still expects that I behave like I have just landed from JKIA. That his baggage should be acceptable while I should be safi kama pamba. I ask my brothers, what are you smoking?

    Why do you find it acceptable to lie, cheat and disrespect us, but will toe the line like a dog while with a white woman? We have all failed as Kenyans in the diaspora in matters marriage and r-ships. Instead of coming together as a couple and realizing that we must depend on each other to move forth, we tear and tug. But, one thing I know: If yo’ll Kenyan men can love ur women just right, you will make it big in this country.

    “Mwanamke akiwa mang’aa chunguza mumewe”. I am a woman, and I can say with authority that it takes us a while to up and diss yo’ll. God did not create us to shift like pebbles in the wind. Treat your woman right, love her, and you will be a happy man.

    I still think Poko’s prince is still coming. But I have had my share of the de-based Kenyans abroad. Yaani they lost humanity completely: C’mon, the men spreading AIDS in Texas: What is that about?

    • Sophia said

      Hi Poko. You are a liar. You ain’t a woman. You are just a masquerander. Be real.

      • POKO said

        so now, how have you added to the discussion? Bure kabisa. I confirmed this morning that I am a female, a woman and a Lady.

      • Safi said

        Poko, remember that there has to be a Gentleman in a woman’s life for her to be a truly a Lady. Fact: Men should simply honor “honorable women”; likewise women should respect “respectiful men” so to speak. I am yet to come across a truly happy man or woman that does honor his woman or respect her man. Also remember that: The love for money (and the lust of this world) is the source of evil. That is why some diaspora men are in jail and as a result some diaspora women are depressed and on suicide watch – some overdosing on sleeping drugs or pills, and others drowning their children like the Kenyan woman in Sweden.Ahadi ni kwamba: Malipo ni hapa duniani na Upandacho ndicho uvunacho. Peace!

      • Sophia said

        You confirmed what? This morning? So, what were you before? Bisshop Mankuleyo’s analysis was directly refering to you: single, lonely, psychologically unstable, rejected, out-of-touch, mkosa huruma, annoying, bra bra bra bra….. but all is not lost Poko. I can hook you up with aunt from shags. Kimwana poa.

      • Hope said

        Sophia you are the one who doesnt sem to understand, y would you be putting another woman down because ofyour backwardthinking bure kabisa, its like you took changaa or something

      • Hope said

        Safi, one does not need a man to be a lady… you are so wrong thinking you cannot live without a man, you can be happy fulfilled all around woman, and you dont need a man to do that.and there is nothing wrong with having money, if you dont have thats your problem so leave poko alone if you wont stand with women and encourage them go do something else with your time

    • Netia said

      Firstly let me congratulate you on persevering with your goals and dreams in mind; the US is a rough place and the way you have experienced maisha has certainly made one to respect your efforts and determination. Secondly, I do acknowledge that very few men are upto the billing to be faithful, loving and responsible for the woman and children in their lives. This is more so for the African male who by cultural upbringing is frightened/threatened by an empowered (read; economically independent) woman.

      One of the benefits of being brought up by a single mother is that I did not inherit this macho image so for me the issue is not whether the woman earns more but its whether she knows what her roles are. A woman who does not know her roles will bring grief to you and the family because she assumes that economic independence is the foundation of her identity.

      The same can be said for the men; as long as they do not comprehend their roles then what we have would be teenagers in men’s bodies running around lying, cheating, disrespecting. Many men also do not realize that the GREATEST STRENGTH OF A MAN IS SELF-CONTROL. This not only begins with self-control in sexuality but extends to self-control that demands one gets up and goes to work.

      With regards to your unluckiness in love; true that certainly one would have to experience many frogs before your prince arrives but also one needs to examine how come so many frogs have made their way to you. Sincerely all the best in this as after all its something we all desire; to be loved deeply, truly and forever.

      • POKO said

        @Netia:

        Ur argument on roles of women needs proper elucidation. As a man raised by a single mother, what do you think the roles of a woman are? A knowledgeable man is one who learns and adapts. What would be the roles of a woman in a 24hr economy country like the US?

        Being raised by both parents has very little to do with chauvinism. I believe my parents raised wonderful boys who are making many a woman happy. Heck, I have met single-mom sons who turned out to be emotionally married to their mothers, unluckily, their own mothers do not realize that they need to let them go. What is a 33 y/o man doing driving 4 hrs to get his mom’s cooking?

        On the matter of frogs: it is simply a belief that there are a few good Kenyans out there. The Kenyan pool is small, and it becomes smaller when one looks for men who know that a r-ship is about altruism not serving their machoistic egos. If I was to widen this pool to include all people, am gone. Too many in the wings waiting.

      • Hope said

        Poko am here to congratulate you on saying it like it is, you are a remarkable woman virtuous and full of wisdom, fully encouraged by you, go gal power…

  4. toni said

    IM A TOTAL MAN! You are what you make yourself. Why is the issue of money so paramount in this discussion? Kwangu ni mimi kingangi, its not about chapaa. Respect your partner in all ways and you will see the light.Doesnt matter where, majuu or mashinani. respect all the way baby and you will be a king in your house forever,but you know what let your parner be the queen.

  5. Magidy said

    You’re all attacking each other’s personality instead of the issue…higher divorce rate in diaspora. Bishop Manasseh is talking about the alarming increase rate in diaspora divorces. Folks stay focused on the issue, causes, effects and possible remedies to help combat the problem. You’re all grown ups and possibly parents who want to have stable families for their children and grand children. Be careful of what you’re saying or wishing now because down the road its going to catch up with you in one way or the other.

    • Tshombe said

      Thanks for your wisdom, these people always get it all twisted. They need to understand that when they use the social media to air their opinions, there’s a responsiblity of civility involved.Their views, as genuine as they sound, are buried by their crudity. They don’t understand that it takes two to tango…its got to be a two way process when a m arriage collapses or when trying to salvage it.

  6. Wambui said

    Well said Tshombe and Poko.

  7. Sokoine said

    Everybody, can we please try to stop generalizing? If you find yourself describing a man or a woman as being this and that when it comes to divorce or relationships, take a step back and just realize that you’re probably in the wrong. You don’t need labels to describe your opinion on this issue, so why stereotype? Just let your opinion on this issue speak for itself.

    • Jeff said

      There you go…one need to understand the problem in order to solve it. Divorce is an enterprise that does not involve one woman or man alone, no matter how cruel it is. Lets take the good with the bad and work together, lets stop bashing opinions on the media network, lets try bringing up ideas and solutions to this problem.

  8. OmarBashir said

    I dont get the story well RN making $80,00 first from school unless they work two jobs .My wife is BSN nurse she don’t make that money. The only people who make that kind of money in USA is Electrical Engineers and Software Engineers who make in excess of $130,000 per/yr and with 5 years experience they make up over $200,000/yr. So I dont see why people think nurses make more money than anybody else here. I bet it is because a lot of them are in the field.

  9. Nairobian said

    Wanjiku’s (Mama Njoki) posting on 3/2/12 was right on. life in the USA is all about mutual respect and equality.

    Men! the good old days are over! This ’empowerment’ thing has swept Kenyan women off their feet. A good bunch of them don’t understand what self empowerment is all about. They tend to think being empowered is all about pushing their husbands around and wearing the pants around the house. WRONG! Empowerment is all about getting high level education, good careers, status, etc.

    An American woman can be very empowered (post graduate degrees, great career, etc) and still be very respectful to her husband.
    On the other hand, when an African or Kenyan woman becomes empowered as such, she will most certainly feel the need to kick the hubby in the “balls” (usually infront of an audience) to prove that she is the one calling the shots.

    Guys, as your woman gets empowered, empower urself too. If she leave you behind, you are pretty much doomed!

    I know this Pastor guy that brought his wife from KE and put her through nursing school. Few years after being done with school, she left him for a younger guy from KE who happens to be a nurse too. The pastor lost everything… wife, kids, house, dignity, respect, etc. He even tried to commit suicide. Yes!! A pastor… See…

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