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Archive for December 31st, 2009

Why Men Fake Orgasms

Posted by Administrator on December 31, 2009

By Elizabeth Black, AlterNet. Posted December 23, 2009

If you thought that only women faked orgasms, you’d be wrong. Plenty of men fake their way out of the sack. How on earth can a guy even fake an orgasm? What is he going to do, spray dish detergent and try to pass it off as semen? More importantly, why would a man want to pull off this kind of bluff?

Apparently, lots of men fake the Big “O” and some were willing to talk to me about it. I asked men in an online sex forum how many had faked orgasms, and I received some very fascinating – and distressing — answers. Steve found himself in an awkward position when he bedded a woman to whom he was not very attracted, but he felt the pressure to perform. “I wasn’t able to manage to keep it up for long because I really, really wasn’t enjoying myself,” he wrote. “So as I realized that I was going to be a limp noodle at any moment anyway, I pretended to cum then quickly disposed of the condom. Definitely not one of my prouder moments.” Alex expressed similar sentiments when he admitted his reasons and method for faking. ” … there were a variety of reasons. Most commonly, it was just pure boredom and my attention span with someone had ceased or a very determined girl that wouldn’t accept the fact that I just wasn’t going to get off at that moment in time.” Chris admitted that exhaustion was his reason for faking it. “To be fair, I think each time it was at least the third fuck of the day,” he wrote. “And it was nice at first, but after a while I just wanted it over with. I wouldn’t dream of doing that now though.”

The exact percentage of men who fake orgasms varies depending on the source. The ABC News Primetime Live Poll: The American Sex Survey (2004) reported that eleven percent of men surveyed said they had faked orgasms. A study by Muehlenhard and Shippee of students at the University of Kansas (2009) found that as many as twenty-five percent of men surveyed reported that they faked orgasms on occasion. While there are many ways men who fake orgasms get away with it, the most common way is to use a condom. What will the partner do, inspect the rubber? Another way men fake orgasm is to say they don’t make much ejaculate. When a woman is already wet and slick with her own arousal, she’s likely to believe him.

It turns out that men fake orgasms for many of the same reasons women do. The most common reasons for faking orgasms cited by men in that internet sex forum were (1) not particularly aroused or into their partner, (2) boring sex, (3) difficulties holding an erection or coming, (4) not wanting to disappoint their partner, (5) performance anxiety, and (6) fatigue. While men’s stated reasons for faking orgasms are similar to women’s reasons, the question is, why fake an orgasm instead of just saying that you want to stop having sex? What kind of pressures are men under that makes them feel as if they have to fake it? Alex, Steve, and Chris described a very common pressure men experience: they feel a strong need to perform, and this pressure is based on the influence of porn culture, media, advertising, and magazine articles. Bombarded with pornographic images, commercials touting erection-enhancing drugs like Viagra, and magazine articles about how to keep thrusting until she screams for mercy, men are under a tremendous amount of pressure to come hard, come fast, and give their partners orgasms so intense that plaster falls off the walls.

No wonder so many men have trouble enjoying sex and coming to orgasm!

So what’s to blame for such dismal sexual experiences? Patriarchy, of course. Sexuality under patriarchy has long been known to penalize women. However, patriarchy has also negatively impacted men’s sexuality by placing most of their focus on their erections, penis size, performance, orgasms, and ejaculation. 

How can men rethink their sexuality in such a way that opens up all the possibilities for sexual enjoyment and emotional closeness that is discouraged under the stunted view of sex according to patriarchy? According to Patti Brisben, the CEO and founder of Pure Romance, in her article “Why You Shouldn’t Fake An Orgasm”, “by faking pleasure, you’re not only neglecting your needs, but you aren’t being honest with your spouse. Let’s face it, if you’re faking in the bedroom, where else are you faking? Being in a committed relationship is about being open enough to communicate about all aspects, especially the tougher topics that may embarrass you like issues regarding your sexuality.”

When men equate good sex with a huge erection and a rocking climax, they overlook the rest of the sex act and especially the emotional closeness that makes sex such a powerful and caring experience. Women have always had the “Not tonight, honey. I have a headache” excuse to get out of unsatisfying sex, but men have no similar alternative. The patriarchal view of men encourages them to rut like dogs, as if they were animals that cannot control their sexual urges – fuck anything that moves and fuck it hard. Rather than focus so much on their erections and ejaculation, as they have been instructed since they found their first lad magazine touting performance and orgasms, men can change their sexual outlook so that not only they but their partners benefit.

Once David admitted to his ex that he had been pretending to come into a towel, their sex life improved. He said, “I used to fake it on a regular basis with my ex. She was a selfish lover and after a good hour of doing all of the work I’d get tired. Rather than dealing with her being upset that I didn’t come, I would pull out and fake cumming into a towel. Once I realized how stupid that was, I told her and our sex life did improve.” Communication is the key to unlocking more rewarding sexual experiences: it helps both genders toss aside societal pressure to perform and help them enjoy the trip as much as the destination.

Source: Alternet

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Nigerians are back with a new scam

Posted by Administrator on December 31, 2009

While in 2000 many requests were sent by letter or fax, the more tech savvy 419ers now randomly select email addresses or even mobile phone numbers to send out thousands of invitations. Though the technology has changed, the basic format of the appeal has not. Photo/LIZ MUTHONI

While in 2000 many requests were sent by letter or fax, the more tech savvy 419ers now randomly select email addresses or even mobile phone numbers to send out thousands of invitations. Though the technology has changed, the basic format of the appeal has not. Photo/LIZ MUTHONI

The Nigerians are back at it again – and this time their target is the World Cup.

The infamous 419 trap that has withstood the test of time to become the decade’s most enduring tech scam is now targeting prospective visitors to the 2010 games to be held in South Africa in June.

Last week, South African police and the Nelson Mandela Foundation issued a warning advising people to ignore participating in the fraudulent “Fifa 2010 World Cup Lottery draw”.

Potential victims are contacted through an email which informs them that they have won up to $2 million in cash prize in the “Fifa 2010 World Cup Lottery draw”.

The e-mail bears a prominent picture of Mandela holding the World Cup, with logos of Fifa and the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

The con artist initially asks for personal details to be faxed to a UK number and slowly reels in the victim with snippets of information to a point where he wants a small amount to be deposited into a bank account, ostensibly to pay for stamp duties and fees for advocates.

According to a report appearing in The Mercury, a South African newspaper, the scammer who calls himself Semone Chema is actually based in the UK and has a thick Nigerian accent.

Soon after initial contact, Mr Chema will then recommend that the victim should file a legal claim in order to receive a certificate.

Once a fake document – complete with logos and required official signatures – is released to the target, they are then advised to submit an affidavit to permit the transfer of the money to a bank account in South Africa.

The victim can chose to let the Nigerians take care of the pesky paperwork by allowing them to nominate an attorney on their behalf who will represent their interest and get the vital legal documents that will help facilitate the transfer.

The latest incident aside, the Nigerian 419 scam is undoubtedly one of the most versatile swindles of the last decade.

While in 2000, many requests were sent by letter or fax, the more tech savvy 419ers now randomly select email addresses or even mobile phone numbers to send out thousands of invitations.

Though the technology has changed, the basic format of the appeal has not.

Most victims are baited with offers of colossal amounts of money which they can earn a share of if they let the kind scam artists access their bank accounts.

Once they are reeled in, a myriad of procedures and legal documents conspire to keep the victim away from the grand prize, all of which require the recipient to part with small amounts of cash.

Doing nothing

The scam artistes trade on the premise that most people are happy to receive money for doing nothing, as well as the ego boost that most recipients experience when they feel they have been “specially selected”.

A copy of the same scam that was sent to Business Daily said all participants were selected randomly from the “World Wide Web-site, through a computer draw system and extracted from over 100 million companies and individual emails address.”

Source: Business Daily

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Kenya’s search for authentic tune

Posted by Administrator on December 31, 2009

Tony Nyadundo’s Ohangla genre is viewed as authentic Kenyan music. PHOTO/ FILE

Tony Nyadundo’s Ohangla genre is viewed as authentic Kenyan music. PHOTO/ FILE

The Congolese have Lingala. The South Africans have kwaito, kwela, mbube and mbaqaqa. Cameroonians have makossa, Brazilians samba and Jamaicans reggae.

Whenever music from these regions is played, be it Franco’s Mario, Yvonne Chakachaka’s Umqomboti, Fela Kuti’s Lady, Manu Dibango’s, Soul Makossa or Bob Marley’s, No woman, No Cry, music buffs from anywhere in the world can instantly recognise and locate its origin.

What about Kenyan music?

Besides Benga, Kenyan music lacks a signature sound. That hasn’t stopped its exponential growth in the past decade, though.

The volume knob was turned by, among other factors, the onset of FM radio stations, talent search competitions, producers and studios, frooty-loops digital recording technology and a fan base of callow youth.

Also, there was a patriotic wave of being “Proudly Kenyan”, at a time when popularity of Congolese music, that had dominated local music scene for ages, was waning.

The generation gap boosted local music too across age, community and class divide.

Folksy tunes

While the raging hormones of “mahewa (music) generation” found a lyrical home in Kenyanised American hip-hop; their “old skul” parents and the lyrically discerning post-teenagers went for zilizopendwa (golden evergreens), or the folksy Central Province mugithi as popularised by the one-man band craze fronted by Mike Rua, Mike Murimi and Salim Junior.

The same applied to Nyanza Province Ohangla tunes, of Tony and Jack Nyandundo.

Gospel music, on the other hand, moved from choir batons to embrace modern, catchy beats, without preachy lyrics.

This growth wasn’t without trailblazers.

Hardstone (Harrison Ngunjiri) pioneered an urban style by blending ragga, reggae and hip-hop with Uhiki in the late ‘90s. This song in Kiswahili, Kikuyu and English topped the charts culminating in Hardstone’s debut album, Nutin but de Stone, released internationally by German based Kelele Records.

Hardstone showed the latent potential of Kenyan hybrid music.

But the success of any new sound and crop of musicians, has a visionary producer behind the scenes.

Kenya in the late ‘90s had Tedd Josiah.

Besides founding Kisima Music Awards, the musician turned producer founded Blu Zebra Records in 2002. The studio recorded among other artistes; Hardstone, Gidi Gidi Maji Maji, Necessary Noize (Wyre and Nazizi Hirji), Ndarlin’ P, In-Tu and Uganda musician Kawesa- who all featured in compilation albums.

Tedd either turned artistes into Gold —Poxi Presha, Suzzana Owiyo, Abbi, Didge, and Achieng’ Abura— or polished them into paving way for others. Like Kalamashaka who introduced hardcore Kiswahili hip-hop into mainstream music with the hit song Tafsiri Hii.

Or Gidi Gidi Maji Maji with their Dholuo/English numbers, Ting’ badi Malo and Un-bwogable, which proved that vernacular-couched songs could have crossover appeal when creatively infused with World Music beats.

Tedd wasn’t alone as Ogopa Deejays and Calif Records in the late ‘90s and early 2000, spawned rappers weaned on urban hip-hop.

Ogopa exploded into the scene with Ugandan musician Bebe Cool (Moses Ssali) and Chameleone (Joseph Mayanja) and Kenyans, Redsan (Swabri Mohammed) and E-Sir (Issah Mmari), a rapper with lyrical prowess in Kiswahili.

E-Sir who died in a car accident in 2003, (his father is a Tanzanian) put Ogopa on the map with Mos Mos, Boomba Train and Leo ni Leo, songs credited with creating the boomba (also called kapuka), a cocktail of hip-hop and dancehall inspired beats.

Ogopa, led by media shy brother, Band, Francis and Lucas Bikedo, popularised “fun club music” via Nameless (David Mathenge who is something of a fixture in Kampala), Wahu (Kagwi-Mathenge), Amani (Cecilia Wairimu), The Longombas (Christian and Lovi Longomba), Kleptomaniax (Roba (Robert Manyasa), Collo (Collins Majale) and Nyashinski (Nyamari Ongegu) and the all-girl group, Tattuu (Angela Mwandanda, Debbie Asila and Angela Ndambuki).

Christian and Lovi are grandchildren of Vicky Longomba of the TP OK Jazz fame while Wahu won the best female artiste at the MTV Africa Music Awards in 2008. Fellow Kenyan Amani, a favourite with Kampalans, won in 2009.

While kapuka was Ogopa’s tune, Clement Rapudo’s Calif Records created ngenge, meaning a “dance style with mass appeal”, from its flagship artistes Nonini (Hubert Nakitare) who “blew” up the music scene with songs laced with lewd lyrics like Manzi wa Nairobi and Wee Kamu.

He paved the way for Jua Cali (Paul Nunda), whose sanitised lyrics in Nipe Asali, Kiasi, Bidii Yangu, Ngeli ya Ngenge, and Kwaheri, propelled him to Kenya’s biggest recording rapper in commercial endorsements.

His Sh1 million deal with mobile phone giant Motorola in 2007 and another Sh10 million endorsement as Telkom Kenya’s Orange brand ambassador besides fronting the ‘Hello Tunes’ advertising campaigns was a first of sorts for a local artiste. Most of the mahewa generation artistes though fashioned out an industry without employing the components of great music: melody, arrangement, rhythm, message, relevance or compositional structures.

Save for contending with rampant music piracy, this decade witnessed little government ban on music, unlike the ‘70s and ‘80s.

The past decade also preserved the golden age of Kenyan music through reworking classics of Daudi Kabaka, Fundi Konde and George Mukabi with Songs from Kenya and Zilizopendwa 2000 in 2000 by Them Mushrooms. Kenya Beat: Ultimate Collection, from David Makali’s Sound Africa in 2007, preserved old and contemporary artistes.

Afro-fusion, a combination of benga influenced rhythms and world music, is another notable genre of this decade.

Its local proponents include Tabu Osusa’s Ketebul Productions, Rudy and Marion van Djinck’s Sarakasi Trust and artistes; Harry Kimani with Afro-country numbers like Haiyaa, Achieng’ Abura in Afro-Jazz (Toto Wangu), Yunasi (Jiopogore), Suzzana Owiyo (Kisumu 100), Iddi Achieng’ (Switina), and arguably the face of Afro-fusion- Eric Wainaina who composes socially conscious songs, with sometimes provocative, patriotic rallying calls and has recorded songs with Zimbabwe’s Oliver Mtukudzi. Think his 1998 hit, Kenya Only, probably one song from this decade that will become a classic.

Indeed, very few Kenyan songs became continental or international hits this decade, even as listeners worldwide voted Fadhili Williams’ Malaika, the most popular African song during BBC Radio’s 75th anniversary in 2004.

Other artistes tried other genres.

Reuben Kigame in country music with Sweet Bunyore and Daddy came home last Night. Jah’Key Marley, Ousmane, Mighty King Kong and East African Bashment Crew, with reggae, albeit without quantifiable impact.

It’s interesting how the biggest selling artiste in Kenya is Roger Whittaker, whose folksy country songs account for over 250 gold, silver and platinum albums.

kmutunga@nation.co.ke

Africa Insight is an initiative of the Nation Media Group’s Africa Media Network Project.

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Kenyans perfect celebrity craze within 10 years

Posted by Administrator on December 31, 2009

Some of the Kenyan musicians who have dominated the local scene. From left: Jua Cali, Eric Wainaina and Wahu. Photo/FILE

It is almost difficult to go back to the times when Genge was not a genre and Kapuka was a foreign word. We are in Cellebville, the home of celebrities, but we like to just call them ‘celebs’. They are sharp like a razor but they haven’t been like that all along.

The highest rated artiste in Kenya today, Nameless (he does have a name, but we shall stick to celebspeak, gitch?), remembers the days gone by with a stiff smile: “Unakumbuka Mega Rider?” he asks.

That was his biggest hit back in 2002. Some radio stations played it, others binned it. Small wonder he won a double MTV award for Sunshine, that blast of a hit featuring Habida, this year. He is also all over endorsing several products and living large.

His wife, fellow musician Wahu who last year bagged a MAMA for her Sweet Love, has been in the industry for 10 years, hogging the glitter and all. Although the mama is yet to release an album (really? Wahu? After 10 years?), she is still a celeb whichever way you look at her, and her mellow voice has done the industry great wonders.

In 2000, before Pulse and Buzz were born, Gidi Gidi Maji Maji, under the watchful eye of the iconic Tedd Josiah, produced an album that carried the hit song Unbwogable. It was neither a war nor peace song. It was never meant to be political either. But when 2002 came and some politicians carried that song to rallies, Gidi and Maji became instant celebs, and we dare say that the two helped Narc win the elections that year.

Today Gidi is a respected UN ambassador of peace and a radio host, while Maji runs his own recording studio. However, nothing makes or breaks a celeb than a well-timed scandal. Paris Hilton knows this very well, and Kenyan celebs know it too. Remember Mercy Myra? Yes? Ok, maybe. She made headlines regularly because she chose to wear belts in the name of skirts, and where the skirts were a cut too long, the exaggerated slit showed way too much.

Her love whisked her away to the US, where she is currently based, but she, every now and then, flies home for that occasional jig (as she did in 2005 at Nameless’ and Wahu’s wedding, where she belted out a soft number draped in an elegant African outfit … but only from an angle!).

Solo crusade

The decade’s other drama king was Poxi Presha (God rest his soul). Better known for his big mouth than his music — even though his remix of Gabriel Omollo’s Lunch Time was catchy — Poxi captured our attention by wearing all the wrong colours and getting jailed because he wanted musicians to be respected.

His solo crusade, however, wasn’t in vain for, a few years after he left us for the kingdom yonder, the Music Copyright Society of Kenya was born, ushering the industry into the 21st Century. And now, from rights crusades to the kinky and sexy, both of which also reside in Celebville.

Four years ago, radio host and actress Nini Wacera attended a party in her lingerie — only — and locked lips with fellow radio host Valentine Njoroge. The two set a new bar for, a few months later, radio queen Cess Mutungi also locked lips with Maina Kageni, but the two later explained that it was only a friendly move.

It is only celebrities who get away with yoyo dieting. Posh must have perfected the art, but no one knows that better than beauty queens do. Miss Kenya has been with us since independence, but this decade has seen most of the crown bearers fade in to oblivion. Yolanda Masinde, Miss Kenya 2000, piled on the pounds and decided being a kindergarten teacher would offer her more joy.

Daniella Kimaru, Mary-Anne Kariuki, Cecilia Mwangi and Juliet Atieno all cannot fit into the swimsuits they wore for their pageants. Why? They all embraced junk, as did Bad Boy Nonini. In 10 years, Nonini has moved from a skinny geek to a Godfather. Jua Cali is spotting a beer belly. Big Ted and Big Kev weigh twice what they did in 2000.

Three years ago, Med C went into a crush diet and unveiled a super sexy her. Afro-fusion artiste Atemi Oyungu even confessed to have taken diet pills to remain slim, today she has ballooned to a plus-size after she decided to keep it natural.

Those who work hard, like Redsan, unleash a body to die for, because Cellebville is not very forgiving when you do not look great. On the divine side, the emergence of gospel musicians this decade did not come as a surprise, but it brought with it a different swag to Cellebville.

Neema Ntalel was the first to dazzle everyone, winning a Kora and all, and was followed closely by beautiful boy DNG. Several months later, DNG was caught pinting, having crept back to the abyss. As for Neema, well, her belly soon started showing signs that she was in the motherly way, and it was not long before the evidence was there, all shapely and rounded, for all to behold. Weeks later, she miscarried.

Celeb culture is all about swag and shillings. Some people have it, some just don’t. The past 10 years have seen DJs move from single, uncoordinated individuals to mega units competing for corporate space. Actors have moved from simple whiners at the Kenya National Theatre to produce award winning sitcoms.

Sauti Sol may be the new kids on the block, but it is Eric Wainaina, Achieng’ Abura and Abbi who had guts to start a band and say they were Afro-Fusion artistes. Maybe rap will take over, what with Juliani at the helm. Maybe in another 10 years we shall all just nod to Ohangla and Ken Wa Maria. Who knows!

aodera@nation.co.ke

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President Kibaki’s New Year’s Speech

Posted by Administrator on December 31, 2009

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