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Archive for September 11th, 2010

Married but still acting single?

Posted by Administrator on September 11, 2010

By Nancy Njagi Mbithi

Jane once called me and asked if I could loan her some money to take her three-month old baby to the post-natal clinic as well as have a gynaecological check up.

She went on to explain that her husband, Phillip, had refused to give her the money because she was apparently misusing the money.

I was not eager to part with the money especially when I had not gotten to the root cause of this young couple’s conflict. I, therefore, spoke to Phillip to get his side of the story and eventually realised that since they were not living together, it was difficult for him to know how his wife and small baby were spending the money that he so earnestly worked for.

So there it was, this newly married couple living separate lives and hoping to act married. With the hope of helping my friend, I suggested to Jane to join her husband especially now that she was not working and with the new born, she needed all the emotional and physical support she could get from her husband. Jane was not too excited about my suggestion. She said Phillip worked upcountry and that was not the place for her to live. She needed to be near Nairobi!

Please help me! What is with Nairobi! What should come first? The foundation of your new formed family or living in Nairobi?

 Single’s attitude

My friend is not alone. There are married couples who in one way or the other still hope to maintain their singlehood (single’s attitude behaviour) without the realisation that aspects of this singlehood need to change. Marriage is about adjusting to each other’s needs.

If each one maintains their singlehood then they’ll continue being “single” through marriage and, therefore, make independent decisions even though these decisions affect the family eventually. This in turn causes tension and conflict in marriage because that dialogue and consultation is missing.

The way forward would be to deal with the singlehood attitude and behaviour. One should come to the realisation that there are things we have to let go for the sake of the family.

Ladies, the running back and forth to your parent’s house every time you have a disagreement has to stop. You cannot just move in and out of marriage as you please.

Living your two month-old baby with the house help so that you can go out for a drinking spree with the girls is not just an issue of singlehood but just outright crazy!

A night out with the boys that lasts up to the early hours of the morning just because you are running away from the cries of the new born baby needs to stop. So then, if your new found spouse is still acting single, the key thing is to have a talk. Have all the concerns laid out on the table and thrush them one by one and come up with a way out.

You, however, have to be willing to change because our status has now changed from single to married.

http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/relationship/InsidePage.php?id=2000010391&cid=431&story=Married but still acting single?

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Posted in Sex and Relationships | Comments Off on Married but still acting single?

U.S. to stop deporting immigrants who may be eligible for green cards

Posted by Administrator on September 11, 2010

In a new and more lenient policy, the head of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement has instructed the agency’s legal office to stop the deportation proceedings of foreign nationals who may now be eligible for a green card.

South Florida immigration attorneys and activists said the move is the first solid evidence of more tolerance by ICE toward some foreign nationals facing removal to their homelands.

Affected are possibly tens of thousands who are married or related to a U.S. citizen or a legal resident who has filed a petition for them. The immigrants who will benefit must also not have a criminal conviction.

In unveiling the change, ICE assistant secretary John Morton said the agency will soon drop deportation proceedings against those now eligible under the new guidelines.

“Where there is an underlying application or petition and ICE determines . . . that a non-detained individual appears eligible for relief from removal, [its attorneys] should promptly move to dismiss proceedings,” Morton wrote in an Aug. 20 memo to the agency’s principal legal advisor and the head of enforcement and removal operations.

“Good for John Morton and ICE,” said Cheryl Little, executive director of Miami-based Florida Immigrant Advocacy Center (FIAC), who obtained the memo and gave a copy to El Nuevo Herald. “This is the kind of reform we need. Targeting those who intend to do harm while expediting the cases of law-abiding immigrants is the best use of ICE’s precious resources and will save taxpayers money.”

Richard Rocha, ICE deputy press secretary in Washington, reiterated his agency’s policy of focusing first on removing foreign nationals who have criminal convictions.

“This administration is committed to smart, effective immigration reform, prioritizing the arrest and removal of criminal aliens and those who pose a danger to national security,” said Rocha in a statement. “In 2010 to date, ICE has removed more than 150,000 convicted criminals — a record number.”

Little’s office said one of its clients, identified only as Josianne, may benefit from the Morton memo.

Josianne and her youngest daughter, both Haitian, are now in deportation proceedings despite petitions filed by Josianne’s U.S. citizen husband. The proceedings have been postponed because of delays in processing the petitions.

The Morton memo will allow FIAC to ask the immigration judge to dismiss the case.

Prior to the memo, foreign nationals in deportation proceedings likely would have been deported even if they had pending relative petitions.

In 2007, for example, a case that deeply upset the Haitian community in Miami involved the deportation of a Haitian woman married to a U.S. citizen.

Marie Thelusma was picked up in her Miami Gardens home and deported to her native country just before she was to appear at an interview at U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services where her residence petition might have been granted, said her attorney, Candace Jean. After her arrest, chronicled in columns by then Miami Herald columnist Ana Menendez, USCIS sent a form letter canceling the appointment and expressing regrets for “any inconvenience this may cause.”

Jean said she planned to review the Morton memo, but doubted it could help her client because generally new policies are not retroactive. But she said had the memo been in place in 2007, it could have spared her client and many foreign nationals in similar circumstances from being separated from families.

“It would have saved many spouses from losing a spouse and, sadly, many children from losing a parent,” Jean said.

Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/08/27/1794349/us-moving-to-ease-deportation.html#ixzz0zFIGLgOD

Posted in Immigration | Comments Off on U.S. to stop deporting immigrants who may be eligible for green cards

Do we have a husband crisis?

Posted by Administrator on September 11, 2010

Single ladies dancing during a "Singles and Married" seminar held at the Kenyatta International Conference centre in Nairobi on 3 September 2010. The Seminar, hosted by Pastor Chris Ojigbani of Nigeria, is said to be assisting unmarried people get spouses. PHOTO PETERSON GITHAIGA.(NAIROBI)

Single ladies dancing during a "Singles and Married" seminar held at the Kenyatta International Conference centre in Nairobi on 3 September 2010. The Seminar, hosted by Pastor Chris Ojigbani of Nigeria, is said to be assisting unmarried people get spouses. PHOTO PETERSON GITHAIGA.(NAIROBI)

By BILLY MUIRURI

It was like a mad rush for a rare commodity. Pushing and shoving, hundreds of women, dressed in their latest fashions forcefully made their way into the Kenyatta International Conference Centre (KICC).

It was a Friday afternoon and from the immaculate handbags strapped on their shoulders, it was easy to tell that most of them had literally left their places of work early.
The city had been abuzz with news that a charismatic pastor from Nigeria was having a special service for “serious’ singles — and there was a chance to hook up with someone at his service.

Yes, to many, it was worth putting everything aside to attend this service. Hadn’t the national census results a few days earlier shattered a myth that many women were still single because there were far fewer men?

With the numbers showing that the ratio of men to women was one to one, Pastor Chris Ojigbani’s initial message that there was a man for every woman was easy to swallow.
In a near pandemonium, about 10,000 women fought for space at the KICC’s Plenary Hall to listen to sermons that ranged from how to get and keep a man, to the art of dating, and how to keep the fire of love burning.

The Saturday Magazine team engaged some women who attended the two-day service last weekend to find out more about why Kenyan women, especially in Nairobi, are still waiting for the right man to come their way.

Adiline Mudibo, 31, businesswoman and social worker

I have always had a mindset about being single and I came to hear what the pastor has to say about it. From the lessons I have learnt – especially on getting the right man, I have been empowered to prepare my mind about sticking to one partner.

Young people have been moving away from their culture of respecting the sanctity of marriage and that is why there are a lot of problems in today’s young marriages. From the service, I have been encouraged that it is possible to get the right man and keep him.

Although I travelled from Monrovia in Liberia to catch up with the pastor, it has not been in vain. My greatest achievement today is to acquire the knowledge of how to pray for a man who will keep me happy.

From now on, I will be looking forward to meeting a man who is God-fearing and who one who is able to take care of my emotional needs. It is important for me to have a person who when I cry, wipes my tears away and when I laugh, he laughs with me. That’s my prayer.

Martha Anjela, student of design

I have been in several relationships but somehow, I find that things are not going the right way. And before I know it, my partner has moved on with someone  else. Many women have a big challenge trying to maintain a relationship as they are unable to manage all the expectations of their partners.

Personally, fulfilling expectations has been a problem. I came to listen to the pastor on the subject of the art of getting a man and keeping him. All of us who are single have been in a relationship at one time or another and it is a fact that the relationships broke down because of how it was managed or mismanaged.

I think getting tips of how to get out of singlehood is one of the greatest lessons one can give to women. I have been assured that every woman has her own man tucked away somewhere and this thing of men being fewer than women is a myth. As women, we need to know how to keep the men we get involved with.

When I was leaving the school where I teach in Ngong, I expected to find an assurance here that indeed, I am not alone in this (lack of a man) and that I need to put just in extra effort and pray for the right man to come my way. I have prayed a lot for that today.

Alice Mwali,  27, purchasing and supplies professional
From our Umoja home, the least I expected from this special service was to meet a good man right here.

I am not really desperate just to get a man. My problem is to get a man who trusts that I am capable of being his best woman.

I would not mind getting someone to propose to me before the end of the service and even if I do not get one today, I hope it will be in the near future.

I am just smarting out of a relationship that lasted for about a year. I opted to leave the man because he could not trust me with anything.

For example, if he called me right now and I told him I am at KICC, he would openly express his doubts.

Add to this a retort that he hopes I am not with another man and you get the portrait of what I mean. I had to leave him eventually because he was too insecure for me.

He was not sensitive and I do not think he respected me.

I want a man who respects women in general and one who works hard. This city is increasingly getting more men who are not working hard enough and it is worse for those with working women.

I also dream of a man who is God fearing and loving—I mean a man who can show me genuine affection at all times.

Rebecca Wanjiru, 26, Beauty therapist

At 26, I have been in several relationships and although they did not work, I have not lost hope. The last one was quite demoralising as it was leading to marriage before the guy suddenly went silent. We had even done preliminary visits to our parents and he was to bring bride price in August.

The major problem is that he felt I was not of his class as he was studying for a Master’s  Degree while I am a college graduate.

This difference in our levels of education contributed to his withdrawal and on many occasions, he kept saying I had all the qualities of a good woman but thought I was not “ industrious enough”.

I did not understand this.

By demonstrating that there is a man for each of us, the pastor has really encouraged me.

I came here to get insights on where I could be going wrong as a woman. I  am not saying all the men are bad and was keen to be told where my weaknesses could be.

The lesson on the devices that prolong single hood is dear to me. I am now ready to settle and start my own family.

However, I am not ready to date a Kenyan man as the ones I have encountered have failed me. I am looking forward to a Nigerian or white man.

I believe they will give me a different experience.

Jessica Musingi, 26, nurse

My problem with men in this city is that they are becoming increasingly irresponsible. Long gone are the days a man would cater for all his woman’s needs, both financially and emotionally.

It is getting worse for those of us who are working and seem to have settled in their careers.

Men get scared of stable women and this is a sign of insecurity.

I keep wondering exactly what men want. For example, for me, I do not need a man to be paying my bills or buying clothes for me. I am able to handle that.

Now when a man sees that a woman can do several things on her own, I think they feel threatened. And at the same time, they do not want a woman who nags with financial demands. Can we stop making our personal lives better for fear of scaring away men?

Personally, I am praying for a Christian and a responsible man. I have also prayed for a man who does not lie. I want a man whose house I can access any time without having to make calls in advance. Those men who always receive you in their house at particular times of the week, month or year could be cheats.

When I came to hear the pastor, I was looking for someone to guide me on how to enrich myself spiritually and possibly learn more about handling love—It is proving a delicate affair for many women.

Caroline Sila, businesswoman
Although I have been married for seven years, I came there o acquire more knowledge  about how to keep my family intact.
I have interacted with many women here and had a chance to also read the pastor’s book Spiritual Warfare. It is a great book.

Listening to the pastor, I have leant more tips on how to treat my husband. It is a skill that one cannot ignore as he (the pastor) insists that we must try to keep the fire of love burning even in marriage. It is where the rain is beating women.

For single women, they must be prayerful and wait for the Lord to show them the right man. They must exhibit focus and patience in their search for a man. This is because getting a man may not be the problem, but getting a man who suits your life.

Source: http://www.nation.co.ke/magazines/saturday/Do%20we%20have%20a%20husband%20crisis/-/1216/1007442/-/view/printVersion/-/1550exbz/-/index.html

Posted in Features | Comments Off on Do we have a husband crisis?

Do employers prefer light-skinned women?

Posted by Administrator on September 11, 2010

By Wangechi Wahome

A young attractive woman walks into an office for an interview but is barely noticed and the interview does not go very well for her.
She confides in her friend about her problem and is advised to apply a fairness cream that will show results in four weeks’ time.

She does as advised and in four weeks she is back for the interview and this time round, she gets her dream job in broadcasting as well as the attention of a handsome young pilot, all this due to her now fairer skin.

This was the plot of an advertisement for a fairness cream that was run on local television channels a few years back.

The advert alluded to the notion that light-skinned women get more opportunities in the job market than their darker-skinned counterparts.

Though the advert was deemed as offensive by some, it may have been onto something we are not paying attention to, if studies on skin colour and job opportunities, conducted in different parts of the world are anything to go by.

The studies show that the lighter-skinned black people have it easier in the job market than their darker-skinned counterparts.

A study at the University of Georgia in the United States in 2006 showed that dark-skinned blacks faced a distinct disadvantage when applying for jobs as compared to light-skinned applicants.

This was despite the fact that the applicants had the same level of education. In some cases, the dark-skinned applicants had higher levels of education and were more experienced.

In Kenya, even though the situation is not anywhere near as dire as in the US, it does exist all the same. A young man told me of an incident where he took his female friend for a job interview as a mobile phone sales girl in a shop in Nairobi.

The owner of the shop talked to the women for a few minutes then told her that he would get back to her but once she was out of the door, he called the man who brought her to ask him who would buy phones from such a black girl.

The young man could not believe what he was hearing but the poor girl’s fate was sealed; she did not get the job. Phylis Kemunto, 28, went to a modeling agency to try and get a side hustle to supplement her income when she was a university student a few years back.

Portfolio

The agent asked her for Sh1,500 so that she could be registered with the agency. She was then asked to pay Sh8,000 for her portfolio pictures to be taken.

“After five months of silence, I called the agent to find out why I had not been called for any job,” Kemunto says.

“The man asked me whether I seriously expected to be called for jobs given my dark skin and subsequently turned his phone off.”

Kemunto tried to get her money back but gave up when the agent showed her the contract she had signed, jobs were not guaranteed and her money was not refundable.

Hildah Amollo, a 26-year-old lawyer, has also dealt with rejection due to her dark skin. “I have always been comfortable in my skin so it was a rude shock to discover that someone could refuse to give me a job on account of my skin tone.”

There are jobs that she can never dream of applying for, she says. “I do not think I have a chance of ever getting a job in sales or as an air hostess, that is just not in the cards for me,” she says.

Amollo says that she finds consolation in the fact that the jobs she does get are due to her brains and achievements. “Light-skinned women have a disadvantage in that most people will take them at face value believing that what they have going for them is their colour.

They always have to prove they have brains unlike darkies like us,” says Amollo.

Tony Chirah, who is in the modeling industry admits that in the advertising industry, light skin is preferred.

“The largest consumer of modeling services is the advertisers,” Said Chirah, “and one of the top components is visibility.”
According to Chirah, this works for the light-skinned models because lighter skin reflects more light than dark skin.

“Visibility is all about light. The more light reflected, the more the visibility. Most advertising work uses photography, where the light element is key.” He said.

“Take eyebrows, eyelashes, hair, hairline, lip line and curves, for example, against equal light intensity, those of a light skinned person will appear more enhanced than those of a dark-skinned one and even shadow areas would appear better pronounced on lighter skin.” Chirah explained.

Betty Rubia, 21, knows her dark skin has contributed to her missing out on more than a few lucrative advertising jobs.

Although she can, by no means, be described as very dark, she knows that women who have lighter skin complexion than hers get more jobs in her chosen career as a model.

Betty got into the industry together with her close friend Sarah Ngina, a year ago. A while back, the two friends, who are members of the Kenya modelling fraternity, were called to audition for a toothpaste commercial.

Features

The most important features for this advertisement were the teeth and only one model could be picked and that honour was given to Ngina.

“All the models present had been called to the audition because they had good teeth,” Ngina said, “I think the edge I had over the other girls was my skin tone because I saw women there who had beautiful teeth, but who did not make it for the job and wondered why.”

Betty says that it is not only in modeling that the light-skinned women have it easier. To her, all careers pegged on appearance tend to generally favour light-skinned women.

“The fact is you are more likely to see light-skinned secretaries, receptionists and TV presenters.”

This also goes for air hostesses and women who work in the hotel industry as front-office managers and waitresses.

“I think men, who are usually in the majority when it comes to interview panels generally settle for the lighter-skinned women who they are known to view as more attractive,” says Betty.

She agrees with this view saying that if two women were interviewed by a man and they had the same qualifications as well the same level of experience, the lighter-skinned one is more likely to get the job.

“It is common knowledge that men find light-skinned women more attractive so they are more likely to gravitate towards them when hiring,” she says.

Betty concedes that sometimes the rejection she faces at job interviews does get to her. “It is very difficult when you know you did not get the job because of your skin tone as you cannot change it unless you bleach your skin,” she says.

“This kind of discrimination is very subtle and usually goes unnoticed, but a discerning person will always know when it is not her brains that was being looked at,” she adds.

According to Chirah, the dark-skinned catwalk models are preferred to their lighter-skinned counterparts because their features do not compete for attention with the clothes they are supposed to be selling.

Lyndsey McIntrye of Surazuri modelling agency adds that international casting agents today prefer dark-skinned models who they find ‘unique and interesting’.

“A scout from Ford in New York was recently here and she was very impressed with some girls she saw from Sudan who were very dark-skinned.” McIntyre says.

McIntyre said that the dark-skinned models are more likely to make it internationally due to their unique looks. Sudanese supermodel Alek Wek and Kenyan model Ajuma Nasenyana are perfect examples.

For a long time, the industry was crowded with white women or very light-skinned black woman. Rarely did you see any woman like Wek on the catwalk. The MNET Face of Africa is the one body that has done a lot to popularise the woman with the darker skin on the catwalk.

But looking for dark-skinned women because they are ‘unique and interesting’ in itself is not a good thing according to Betyy.

When asked about the issue of dark-skinned models being preferred on the catwalk she says, “The fact that someone can say modeling agents prefer us because we do not compete for attention with the clothes is, in itself, demeaning. I want to get a job because I deserve it, not because of some other extraneous reasons.”

To her, that is not a positive attribute to be proud of. “How would you feel if someone told you they prefer you because you are not noticeable, I mean is that a good thing to anyone?” she wonders.

According to Betty, this kind of colour discrimination is minimal in ‘serious’ professions such as accounting, law and medicine.

Professions

“In these professions, it’s the papers that count more than anything.” She says. According to her, unlike modeling or air hostess jobs, these jobs require training and as long as one has undergone the necessary training, then they are bound to get a job.

“I chose to become a lawyer because I knew that all I had to do was work hard in school and pass my course,” she says.

Vicki Nduku, a director at Jawabu Consultancy, a job placement firm, agrees with this view.

Vicki believes that firms in Kenya employ both men and women based on their performance and not the colour of their skin.

She deals with employers from different types of professions and they are only concerned about what a particular individual can contribute to the company’s performance.

“I know for a fact that serious employers in Kenya don’t look at skin colour, they prefer to hire someone based on their performance,” Vicki says.

Psychologist Chris Hart says that the number of women who use skin-lightening creams might be a pointer to the pressure dark-skinned women face in several aspects of their life such as relationship and the job market.

“While skin tones do affect how people feel about themselves, and how they are perceived by others, the basic reasons for this are not at all clear, and probably subject to fashion and other influences.” he says.

According to Hart, the best women will get the best jobs (and husbands), so it all depends on how a woman perceives herself.
“There’s no rule that says lighter is better than darker.”

satmag@ke.nationmedia.com

Posted in Features | Comments Off on Do employers prefer light-skinned women?

Destructive nature of chamas

Posted by Administrator on September 11, 2010

By Njoki Kaigai

A certain male of friend of mine is at the end of his tether. The reason for his exasperation is that fact that his wife has become a ‘chama-holic. 

I could not believe that anyone would have something bad to say about chamas – for we all know that women’s groups have been the saving grace for this nation’s families. 

My friend gave me a litany of woes about how his wife behaves when she goes into chama mode. After a while, I had to admit that some of us women have given the movement a bad name – so today let us talk about the ugly side of chamas.

Chamas were started by our mothers as a way of gathering funds and using them to make progress in their homes. The money was usually used to improve the home in many different ways.

The younger lot of women have, however, become more ambitious and now have grand ambitions for chamas. We want to change the state of the stock exchange by flocking there and buying shares.

But behind these grandiose dreams, there has emerged a very dangerous side of women – the compe roho safi that drives us to want to outshine others at every turn.

So instead of deciding on a goal that is achievable for all members, some chamas come up with goals aimed solely at making their neighbours envious. 

While it is okay to dream big, it can become torturous to drag ill-prepared women to aim for the top of the food chain when they clearly cannot afford it.

The end result is that you have many women who are in perpetual debt as they try to keep up with the outrageous ambitions of their chamas.

It doesn’t help matters that our generation lacks the patience of our mothers – we want to form the chama today and then build the high-rise duplex in the leafy suburbs the next day.

The core motivation for these ambitions is the need to gain some firm footing in the female pecking order.

The result is that, instead of giving financial freedom, some chamas have become financial yokes to women.

My male pal claims that his wife is one such victim – she refuses to contribute to the family kitty in the name of meeting her numerous chama contributions.

Just like with all good intentions that end up going bad, modern chama mamas are giving this whole cause a bad name. In the recent past, chama meetings have deviated from their original purpose with often disastrous consequences.

Instead of working on group objectives, some women who have viper-like tongues gossip about their fellow sisters who may be experiencing problems. Chama meetings end up being about whose partner is dropping his pants with whom.

Others turn into sessions where women show–off about whose child or children topped the class or whose private school fees invoice matches the figure for Kenya’s total national debt.

Those who do not gossip will be busy critisising their host’s culinary and interior décor skills.

They take every chama meeting (Particularly those held in members’ houses) as opportunities to test their proficiency in these fields.

For every meeting they attend, they will spend hours talking (usually in very unflattering terms) regarding things such as the meat–rice ratio in the pilau served, or the age of the curtains and fabrics on the sofas.

They are good at broadcasting which member’s house decorating skills could wipe the eyesight of the entire global population. Others are able to determine the financial health of the hostess just by examining the condition of the crockery and carpet. 

There are many women who will beg for money from spouse, family and friends in an attempt to spruce up the house for the sole reason of getting get a pass rating from the chama critics.

Others get their self-esteem thrown into disarray when the gossip and rumours get to them. So many chamas have become completely dysfunctional because of the gossip from the members.

It is no wonder that chamas have of late gotten such bad PR. In some circles (especially with the men), they are just another ploy for women to gossip, backbite, and bitch in the name of uplifting their standards.

It’s time we rid our chamas of the destructive ‘fat’ that is giving them a bad name.
njokikaigai@hotmail.com

Posted in Analysis and Opinion | Comments Off on Destructive nature of chamas

Signs that she’s just not into you

Posted by Administrator on September 11, 2010

When she is not interested, she'll try to keep avoid eye contact. Photo/File

When she is not interested, she'll try to keep avoid eye contact. Photo/File

By Lilian Kithia

Most ladies can stand a lot of things, but being pursued by a guy she’s not interested in is not one of them.

Some ladies will bluntly tell you that you are not their type while most of the others will send you subtle signals in the hope that you will get the hint and back off.

It is therefore your job as the man in question to decipher these signals and decide whether you want to continue pursuing mission impossible or to cut your losses and move on to someone who loves and appreciates you.

Unless a lady is just playing hard to get – which could also mean that she doesn’t like you enough – here are the signals that she may be sending you to show you that she is clearly not interested:

She never calls you: You’re always the one calling her. She also doesn’t text you unless you just sent her some airtime in which case she feels like she owes you at least a thank you.

When she misses your call, she calls you three hours later or flashes you so you can call her back. You are not on her mind and she does not want to invest time or money in a relationship with you, and neither should you. 

She doesn’t laugh at your jokes:  If she is consistently stone-faced when you crack jokes then you can conclude two important things.

First, she doesn’t find your sense of humour engaging, and second, she doesn’t like you enough to bother to pretend otherwise.

Whether or not she laughs at your jokes doesn’t necessarily have to do with whether or not she finds them funny. Laughing is a form of flirting, and if she isn’t doing it, you can be pretty sure her mind isn’t on you.

If you crack a silly joke and she just smiles, please don’t consider it a polite gesture, this only means she pities you.
She mentions other guys she finds attractive: Unless she’s your ex-girlfriend, in which case she could be trying to make you jealous, mentioning other guys she finds attractive means you are in the ‘friends zone’ which means that you are just like one of her girlfriends that she shares her thoughts with you freely.

It has never even crossed her mind to date you.  This is more of a last resort which could also mean that she has tried with all subtleness to get rid of you and you just can’t seem to get the point.

In addition to that, she tells you about her perfect man who, unfortunately, is nothing like you. Truth is, women never stick to what they say is their perfect man, she may even end up with a man who is just like you, but in all likelihood, it won’t be with you.

Take this as a kind hint on her part that you, for whatever reason, are not her perfect man.

She tries to set you up with another woman: She might do this because it has never crossed her mind to date you. Alternatively, she might do this because she likes you as a friend (read platonic) but wants to make certain you don’t hit on her.

Either way, the message is clear: She definitely doesn’t want you for herself. She may also try to get you to set her up with another man. At this point, she is really trying to make her point clear.

She avoids eye contact and physical proximity:  If a woman is attracted to you, she will naturally want to be close to you and make eye contact.

If she is evading your gaze, however, she may be consciously trying to avoid leading you on and having to turn down your advances later.
When she meets with you, she will want to hug you – with both arms.

If she insists on a handshake or hugs you with one arm, take it as a sign that she doesn’t want to be very close to you.  

If she exhibits more than one of the above signs, you can be pretty certain that she’s not interested.

Please do not assume that if you try harder she will eventually give in – unless you enjoy being with someone whom you begged, cajoled and pestered to be with you.

If you want a woman who loves you for you – and there sure is one out there – do yourself a favour and put yourself out of your misery. Just cut your losses and move on.

Repeat this mantra to yourself until it sticks: She’s just not into you.

kithia.lillian@gmail.com

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26 foreign dancers charged

Posted by Administrator on September 11, 2010

Twenty six foreigners have been arraigned in court for taking up jobs as dancers in Nairobi night clubs.

They also faced the charge of being unlawfully present in the country.

The foreigners, of Indian origin, denied the charges and were given cash bail of Sh30,000 each and ordered to deposit their passports with the Immigration department until their cases are heard and determined.

According to the charge sheet presented before chief magistrate Gilbert Mutembei the 26, most of whom are young women, are said to have been performing as dancers and singers at two bars- Tia Maria bar and Mehifil bar.

One group consisting of Yogesh Kumar, Harif Mohammed , Razia Patel, Saidan Seira, Suleiyan Shawari and Pheroze Mohammed answered to the charge of taking up jobs as dancers at Tia Maria bar in Nairobi’s Diamond Plaza building without valid work permit authorising them to engage in any business.

It is alleged that they committed the offence on September 10, 2010.

The second group was charged with taking up jobs as dancers and singers at Mehifil bar along Chiromo lane in Westlands without work permit and in contravention of the Immigration Act.

The foreigners denied the charges and their case will be heard on October 13 and 14.

The prosecution wanted the foreigners to be denied bail arguing that they do not have their passports giving an impression that their nationality is not known clearly.

This was objected to by lawyers Manjit Billings, David Oyatta and David Majanja saying the offence against the 26 is a bailable one.

Secondly, the lawyers said that the prosecution knew the nationality of their clients since they had indicated that in the charge sheet.

The magistrate disagreed with the prosecution’s argument saying it is self defeating because it is indicated in the charge sheet that the accused persons are from India.

Source: Daily Nation

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Couple’s big day turns tragic as groom dies on eve of wedding

Posted by Administrator on September 11, 2010

Former Defence minister Njenga Karume (left) and his wife Rev Grace Njoki (right) arrive at the home of Alex Mwaura to console his family following Mr Mwaura's fatal shooting by unknown assailants, on the eve of his wedding. ERIC WAINAINA

Former Defence minister Njenga Karume (left) and his wife Rev Grace Njoki (right) arrive at the home of Alex Mwaura to console his family following Mr Mwaura's fatal shooting by unknown assailants, on the eve of his wedding. ERIC WAINAINA

By Eric Wainaina

The son of a former senior government official was shot dead Friday night as he dropped his wife-to-be at her parents home in Kikuyu.

Alex Kimani Mwaura, who was due to wed on Saturday, was accosted by unknown assailants a few metres from the Gikambura home of his fiancée.

He was shot at and died on his way to hospital. Mr Mwaura’s fiancée also suffered a gunshot wound to the hand.

Mr Mwaura, the son of former Internal Security permanent secretary Zachary Mwaura, was scheduled to tie the knot at the ACK St Paul Church in Kirigiti, Kiambu.

The pastor, who was due to officiate at the wedding ceremony Stephen Wainana, told the Nation that preparations for the wedding were complete.

A sombre mood engulfed Mr Mwaura’s Kiambu home and his parents were said to be in shock. Among those who arrived at the home to condole with the family were Gatanga MP Peter Kenneth and former Kiambaa MP Njenga Karume.

Kiambu DCIO Peter Ndubi told the Nation that one of the occupants of the vehicle took control of it in an attempt to rush Mr Mwaura and his fiancée to hospital.

Unfortunately, the vehicle was involved in an accident. The bride was admitted in hospital, but is said to be in a stable condition.

Guests, oblivious at the turn of events, had gathered at the church in anticipation of Mr Mwaura’s big day only for the sad news to filter in.

Source: Daily Nation

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