With friends like these…

By NJOKI KAIGAI

lets rip about girlfriends who change like chameleons once they get into a love relationship

I AM NEVER sure whether to laugh, leap for joy or run for the hills whenever one of my girlfriends gets into a relationship.

Given the amount of misery and turmoil in this world, we always welcome the prospects of one happy individual. But I must confess that women display some very strange behaviour once they get into a relationship.

While I do not wish to prick the love bubble, I’d like to give a few pointers to our sisters.
When some of our sisters get bitten by the love bug, they suddenly become experts in making drastic decisions about their new catch.

They decide, often without consultation, that the entire world must stop their daily lives and shift focus to the new man.

Conversation is changed and reconfigured to feature anything and everything about the new man.

Instead of talking about the latest social happenings, these girls will literally force their audiences to sit through  sometimes very boring tales about their newfound partners.

It is perfectly understandable when a woman  keeps talking about her baby’s milestones, but for one to imagine that the life of a grown male is of endless interest to the rest of the world is just too much.

Finding a man to date is in no way similar to discovering oil so put a lid on the urge to shout all over about it ladies.

There is another group of women who cease to exist once they get into any form of relationship with a man.

All sense of self is submerged into the character of the man in an attempt to attain the highest levels of conformity and compatibility. 

Before this relationship, your girlfriend may have been funny, witty and great company, but this same person will suddenly transform into  a boring mute when she discovers that her new partner in love prefers his love interests silent and attentive.

Those with buxomy figures court death with weight loss concoctions if their latest peremende prefers his women willowy like reeds. Others opt to challenge nature by becoming conjoined twins with their new man.

New dietary habits are acquired or shed depending on which way their man’s radar swings. They wipe off their former life and instead gain a new identity.

The ones who find permanent love and become Mrs. So and So are the worst culprits of this behaviour.

Dare you call them by their maiden or pre-relationship name, they will lynch you. For these women, relationships are not about compromise, they are about 360 degree changes.

Some women are certified love seeking missiles as they keep moving from one love interest to another.

Every time they find love, they change completely and leave their pals totally confused about who their real identities.
The common practice of some women once they find love is to abandon their girlfriends as they head off into relationship bliss.

They suddenly become unavailable and unreachable. They will let you know that they must tick, check and then cross-check with their significant other before they can come out to play. Forget about inviting your pal for those impromptu hook-ups that are sometimes necessary for women’s bonding.

These girls will only come out if and when their man deems it fit that they can go out.

Once some women find love, they will begin to question the loyalty of girlfriends they have grown up with from the cradle.

Their new partner becomes the judge of who constitutes a great and true friend. If the new man hates the way you look or sound then your goose is completely cooked.

Never mind the fact that it’s you who has always been there for those unforeseen bail-outs, shoulder-crying sessions and all those other peculiarities of being someone’s friend. 

These habits are annoying because they vex, annoy and irritate the rest of us well-meaning girlfriends. They can be tiresome if your friend is the type that keeps changing men and therefore changing the rule book over and over again.

Lastly, these same chameleons are shameless when it comes to turning around and seeking consolation from the same pals they dumped once things go sour. Listen girls, there was and there shall be life after you fall in love, no need to mess up the world just because you’ve found a love interest out there.

njokikaigai@hotmail.com